Like All Kids, ADD Kids Need a Shot at Success

She’s difficult to miss on the soccer field. She’s the one berating a teammate for missing a kick, complaining when a ref’s call doesn’t go her way, shouting down her coach as he yells advice.

On the sidelines, the parents watching her antics shake their heads and roll their eyes. “She’s so disagreeable,” one father whispers. “It’s hard to believe she’s having fun out there.”

I see her mother bite her lip and grip the arms of her folding chair, as she watches her daughter dribble past a defender, then boot the ball into the goal to score. She doesn’t rise to cheer with the other parents but leans back in her chair and lets out a sigh. A smile spreads across her face, as her daughter collects teammates’ hugs and high-fives. “She doesn’t get many chances like this, to feel this good,” her mother says aloud, to no one in particular. “She has ADD, you know.”

As if that explains everything. And maybe it does.

Attention deficit disorder has become the most commonly diagnosed mental disorder among children. It’s been pooh-poohed by some as a catchall excuse for bad behavior, elevated by others to a psychiatric condition requiring constant medication.

The disorder is rooted in differences in the brain that affect mood, judgment and impulse control. It does not limit intelligence, but ADD children often do poorly in school because of difficulties focusing, staying organized and obeying rules.

But ADD is not just a school-day disorder, “it’s an all-day disorder,” says Dr. Harold S. Koplewicz, director of the Child Study Center at New York University and author of several books on children’s mental health. “These are children who have trouble with social skills from morning to night. They have trouble following the rules, conforming their behavior, getting along with other people.

The Child Study Center recently conducted the first national study comparing the perceptions of parents whose children have ADD with other parents whose children don’t. The survey of 500 parents with children between 6 and 14 found that ADD takes a major toll on a family’s life.

Parents of kids with ADD are twice as likely to devote a significant portion of their time to helping their children through daily routines. More than half say they spend more than an hour each day helping their kids with homework; about one-quarter of the other parents spend that much time. And one in four parents say it takes them an hour to help prepare their ADD child for bed each night, and another hour to help them get ready for school each morning.

Their kids face an uphill climb on social and academic fronts. They are 10 times more likely than other kids to drop out of school. More than 40% of parents polled say their children are picked on at school, and nearly half say their children have trouble getting along with their peers.

And while the public discussion of ADD often centers around the use of drugs to control behavior, the study shows that parents rely less on medication than doctors recommend. While 89% of parents say their children were prescribed drugs, only 55% used the medication.

When it comes to helping their children cope, more parents say that after-school activities help their children’s emotional development. Seven out of 10 enrolled their children in activities outside of school, even though one-quarter of their children had behavioral problems that limited their participation. Still, the right kind of activity can help redirect a child’s energy, tap into hidden talents and interests, and develop social skills.

“What these kids experience day after day is a series of clearly missed social cues,” said Koplewicz. “They don’t pick up on social nuances, so the best kind of weekend or after-school activities are things that give them practice learning social skills. The more success these children have in different social settings, the better their self-esteem. And that can make a big difference, long-term, in how their lives work out.”

Success is an antidote for failure in any kid, disabled or not. What a child with ADD needs is what every child requires--patience, praise, understanding and chances for success. They may need more of all those things, and we may have to work harder to provide them.

It hasn’t escaped my daughter’s notice that more than one of the girls on her soccer team are what she calls “socially challenged.” One talks incessantly, even when no one is around. Another constantly interrupts, another is prone to tantrums.

What my daughter may not realize is that when she started playing soccer five years ago, she might have been considered one of the out-of-sync ones. She was saddled with a diagnosis of ADD, had few friends, struggled in school and was volatile at home.

She’s still a thorn in her sisters’ sides, but anyone else who knows her today would find it hard to believe this funny, friendly, confident child was once shy and socially awkward.

I won’t say that soccer solved her problems, but the game has taught her valuable lessons on life--how to concentrate, anticipate, appreciate others’ strengths and weaknesses. She experienced the joy of victory and learned to recover from defeat. And she’s met girls who laugh at her jokes, invite her to sleepovers and are even worse than she is in math.

It’s not easy for the child with ADD. Ask the mother of the misfit on the soccer team, as she tries to console her daughter, who cries whenever they lose a game.

But they’ll be back next season, because to that child, and others like her, this is about much more than the game.

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Sandy Banks’ column runs on Sundays and Tuesdays. Her e-mail address is sandy.banks@latimes.com.