After a Glitch in System, a Return to Normalcy

On a memorable big-game Sunday in the NFL, Kurt Warner passed for 294 yards to lead NEBRASKA!!! to a 27-14 victory over San Francisco, and Chicago finally ran out of magic in a 17-7 loss at NEBRASKA!!!, and the New York Jets lost for the 14th time in 15 attempts against NEBRASKA!!! by an 18-7 margin, and Detroit dropped to 0-12 with a hard-luck 15-12 defeat at NEBRASKA!!! NEBRASKA!!! NEBRASKA!!!

(Editor’s note: Apparently, this computer has been infected by the dreaded BCS Virus. We interrupt this column to run a drive-repair utilities program, cross our fingers and hope we have better luck than Colorado.)

Now where were we?

Oh, right: Giving thanks for the NFL playoff system.

And for a return to normalcy, if only for one weekend, as St. Louis defeated San Francisco for the sixth consecutive time and Oakland defeated Kansas City for the fifth consecutive time and Pittsburgh defeated the Jets for the 14th time in 15 games and Green Bay defeated Chicago for the 14th time in 16 games and Detroit lost to a 2001 NFL opponent for the 12th time in 12 games.

Finally, an NFL Sunday that played to form, give or take Dallas 20 and the New York Giants 13--and that depends entirely on how one feels about the relative merits of Quincy Carter and Kerry Collins.

The Rams over the 49ers, at home, with everything to play for--first-place in the NFC West, the driver’s seat on the road to the Super Bowl--was pretty much expected, even to the mind of 49er Coach Steve Mariucci.

“If that’s a battle for first place,” Mariucci said, “they proved that they’re the first-place team and we’re the second-place team right now.”

Warner out-passed Jeff Garcia. Marshall Faulk outran Garrison Hearst. The Rams bamboozled the 49er defense on a trick play--Warner lining up behind center, faking confusion and/or agitation, walking away from the line of scrimmage and toward the sideline ... and the ball being snapped to Faulk, who ran up the middle for the first down.

When the Rams are playing in St. Louis, this play is known as a walk-off home run.

The only surprise involved was the fact that the Rams stole the play from ... deep breath here ... Pittsburgh. Yes, those seat-of-the-pants daredevil Steelers used the same gimmick earlier this season to break, ever briefly, the monotony between off-guard plunges.

Something to look for during the Super Bowl, anyway.

The Rams and the Steelers emerged as the only 10-2 teams in the league, with Green Bay, Chicago and San Francisco a stride behind at 9-3. The Packers pulled even with the Bears in the NFC Central standings, and now own the tiebreaker by virtue of their season sweep of Chicago. This could be construed as a great leap forward for Mike Sherman’s Packers, except on the sideline of Dick Jauron’s Bears, where certain players were accusing the Chicago coaching staff of timid retreat.

How conservative was the Bears’ offensive game plan Sunday?

So tight-laced, so riddled with no-threat dink passes, that several Chicago defensive players began yelling at Jauron and his offensive coordinator, John Shoop, to open up the offense.

This shocked Jauron and Shoop, who believe their option attack to be highly innovative and imaginative.

Option 1: If you don’t throw the ball, they can’t intercept the ball.

Option 2: Always remember--there’s nothing wrong with a well-placed pooch punt.

Option 3: You want us to throw deep? You see Sid Luckman out there?

Option 4: Pray for a miracle.

Elsewhere in the NFC Central, the Lions are losing their religion, along with everything else. How bad was it this time?

Another three-point loss--the Lions’ fourth of the season--and their ninth consecutive defeat by eight points or fewer.

A 12-7 lead blown in the final minute of regulation.

The crusher came moments after a Detroit defender dropped what would have been a rally-killing interception, with Tampa Bay’s Keyshawn Johnson out-leaping Lion cornerback Jimmy Wyrick for a 13-yard scoring pass with 45 seconds left, followed by Desmond Howard fumbling away the ensuing kickoff and any chance at a tying field goal.

“What can you do,” Lion running back James Stewart wondered, “but just go down on your knees and ask, ‘Why?”’

Searching for an answer, Detroit reporters then turned to Lion wide receiver Johnnie Morton.

“Voodoo, jinx, destiny, take your choice,” said Morton, who was either talking about the Lions’ season-long run of misfortune or the reason the Bears are 9-3.

The Lions’ pursuit of the NFL’s first-ever 0-16 season has become a story of national interest and importance, which shows how badly things are going for the Carolina Panthers, who can’t even get a 12-game losing streak right.

See, the Panthers have lost just as many consecutive games this season as the Lions--12--but, unlike Detroit, started their streak after winning their opener. (Trivia time: The date was Sept. 9, 2001. The site was the Metrodome. The final score was Carolina 24, Minnesota 13. Viking Coach Dennis Green retained his job.)

So while the Lions make headlines and highlight shows, the Panthers fly under the radar at 1-12. Loss No. 12 came Sunday, at Buffalo, whose Bills entered the game 1-11, in a game that set the sport back 10 years--or at least the Bills pretended. When the present is as bad as this, there’s nothing so popular as the past, which is why the Bills keep rolling out old figures from the glory days and honoring them--Jim Kelly last month, Marv Levy before Sunday’s game.

Nice try, but fans in Buffalo are smart. Levy is beloved in that town, but still, he was sharing the marquee with the Bills and the Panthers, no way around it.

So the Bills edged the Panthers, 25-24, in front of 44,549, the smallest crowd for a non-strike game at Ralph Wilson Stadium since 1986.

“It’s unreal,” said Carolina safety Mike Minter.

“Every week. I didn’t believe it was possible. Twelve weeks in a row we’ve been talking about the same thing.”

Looking on the bright side, only 44,549 noticed.