We Actually Prefer RPS: Rock, Paper, Scissors

Art Thiel in the Seattle Post-Intelligencer:

“As a nation, we are a quarrelsome bunch. It should not be surprising that we cannot agree on almost anything.

“If we were to vote on sunrise vs. sunset, each would draw 40%, and 20% would abstain while denouncing voter fraud, East Coast bias and the failure to include night on the ballot.

“So the BC(MES)S results should come as no surprise.”

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Trivia time: Who holds the Pacific 10 Conference record for touchdown passes in a career?

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Try to be cool: Woody Paige of the Denver Post has some advice for Nebraska fans when they go to the big city and the Rose Bowl: “Don’t spit tobacco on the marble floor at the Beverly Hills Hotel. While shopping on Rodeo Drive, don’t say, ‘Do you have anything in flannel? I can get a dress with a lot more material back in Omaha at the feed store.’ ...

“Remember, every entree is served with sprouts, so don’t say, ‘Them looks like weeds,’ and don’t order sushi ‘well done’ or get it on your overalls.”

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Modern antics: Kicking Gramatica brothers Martin (Buccaneers) and Bill (Cardinals) are alike in their overdone celebrations of their field goals, says syndicated columnist Norman Chad.

“The Gramaticas are in stark contrast to old-school kickers such as Lou Groza, who, I believe, used to make his kick, walk slowly off the field and light a cigarette on the sideline.”

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Is that Long Beach State? The University of Hawaii administration got a bit carried away after the Rainbows had thrashed Brigham Young, 72-45. BYU was trying to sell itself as the people’s national champion.

“The way we played, I think there are only two or three teams that could stay on the field with us--one of them being the 49ers,” UH President Evan Dobelle said.

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So what? Before George O’Leary resigned as Notre Dame’s football coach, he’d said he was happy to be at the school because he’s Irish and Catholic.

Comment from Mike Bianchi of the Orlando Sentinel: “Yeah, well, I’m short and Italian, but that doesn’t qualify me to paint the Sistine Chapel.”

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Confidence booster: Ron Rapoport in the Chicago Sun-Times: “Kevin Butler, who this week became the first pure kicker to be inducted into the College Football Hall of Fame, recalled how unusual it was for a kicker to be taken in the NFL draft.

“After being selected by the Chicago Bears, [assistant coach] Buddy Ryan told him, ‘You better be good. We wasted a fourth-round draft pick on you.”’

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Hello and goodbye: For those keeping score at home, outfielder David Justice’s career as a New York Met lasted two days longer than George O’Leary’s whirlwind reign as Notre Dame football coach.

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Trivia answer: John Elway of Stanford, 77, 1979-82.

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And finally: Comedy writer Jerry Perisho: ‘The National Insurance Crime Bureau says the most popular target of car thieves during the past year was the Toyota Camry.

“However, when the same information was run through the NCAA’s BCS computer, the No. 1 target of car thieves was the 1963 Rambler American.”