Freckles and Horse Racing: the Stuff of Life

Random thoughts on a mid-January morning:

* First sign of spring: Little League sign-ups.

* Second sign of spring: the Christmas bills.

* For some reason, I’m a little disappointed in Meg Ryan’s recent behavior.

* Beef is back.

* So are muscles.

* People who live in stone houses shouldn’t throw glass.

* Forget diamonds. Forget gold. Ounce for ounce, printer cartridges are the most expensive items in the world.

* Oakland Raiders home games should be rated TVPG, for their fans’ lousy language.

* Uncle Joe Benson of Arrow 93 is my favorite disc jockey.

* Kobe Bryant has the surest hands in any sport.

* Book that aspiring authors shouldn’t miss: Stephen King’s “On Writing,” a memoir on the craft.

* At LAX, shuttle buses and vans should have a drop-off and pickup level of their own.

* He’s overrated as a writer, but Steve Martin is still one of the funniest people on the planet and an excellent choice to host the Oscars.

* Humorist James Thurber’s autobiography is 86 pages; actress Hunter Tylo’s is 342.

* Someone I’ll miss: Jason Robards.

* Someone I still miss (especially during political crises): CBS commentator Eric Severeid.

* Best way to spend a January afternoon: watching the ponies at Santa Anita Park.

* If Wilbur and Orville Wright could’ve foreseen LAX, they never would have attempted flight.

* People who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw orgies.

* Most underrated beauty secret: freckles.

* For American teenagers, the computer has replaced the guitar--which explains most of today’s music.

* If California has an energy crisis, how come downtown L.A. office buildings are still blazing at 8 p.m.?

* Hearts are meant to be broken.

* So are glass houses.

* Car brand I’ll miss but would never actually buy: the Oldsmobile.

* I don’t like orange juice with too much pulp. And I don’t trust people who do.

* A great pitcher is worth three great shortstops.

* Jeff Goldblum needs more good comedic roles.

* I’m pretty sure LAX stands for laxative.

* I wonder what Howard Cosell would’ve said about Dennis Miller.

* How can a jockey with a name like Lafitt Pincay Jr. be so darned tough?

* Maybe if your name is Lafitt, you have to be tough.

* A sandwich can never be too big.

* A Laker game can never be too long.

* California’s freeways--and schools--would be better if obtaining a driver’s license required a high school diploma.

* Classic rock stations never play enough Emerson, Lake & Palmer.

* One of the best bargain breakfasts around: Wolfe’s on Lake Avenue in Pasadena.

* If former football coach Tom Osborne can be a congressman, Don Shula should at least be vice president.

* Early Valentine’s gift suggestion: printer cartridges.

* Humorist James Thurber’s autobiography is 86 pages; country singer Tanya Tucker’s is 415.

* Anybody seen my car keys?

* Anybody seen Debra Winger?

* Anybody seen Meg Ryan?

* Freckles, freckles, freckles.

* Quote of the day: “The time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time.”

--Bertrand Russell

* Or was it Nipsy Russell?

* Then again, it might’ve been Jane Russell.

*

Chris Erskine’s column is published on Wednesdays. His e-mail address is chris.erskine@latimes.com.