Here a Thought, There a Thought

Random thoughts on food, baseball and other summer obsessions:

All food is comfort food.

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Meter maids always park illegally.

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Never believe a bank thermometer.

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You can tell a lot about a man by the way he flings his golf clubs into a pond.

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With every passing day, Madonna looks a little more like Joan Crawford.

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Book worth picking up: "One More Time: The Best of Mike Royko."

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Video worth picking up: "Finding Forrester," starring Sean Connery.

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Quotable: "If you're going to do something wrong, at least enjoy it."--Leo Rosten

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Carroll O'Connor could say more with a glance than most TV actors can say in an entire show.

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My new goal: to watch the Roger Maris movie "61*" at least 61 times.

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Rolling blackouts are no big deal. My friend Paul has been having them since 1978.

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Favorite energy crisis bumper sticker: Carpe Nocturna (from http://www.hughhewitt.com)

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There's something fundamentally wrong with computers when the on-off buttons don't say "on" or "off."

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In a perfect world, parents would get to go out more than their teenagers.

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Things I miss: S&H; Green Stamps.

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Things I don't miss: double-headers.

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I have no proof, but I'm pretty sure Martha Stewart is plotting to take over the world. Or at least wallpaper it.

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Shawn Green over-swings.

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Mariah Carey over-sings.

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The Hollywood Bowl should host an annual tribute to Sinatra.

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California's real crisis will be over water, not electricity.

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Why don't airlines board passengers in the back of the plane first?

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There's no culture in pop culture.

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T.J. Simers? Never heard of her.

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Classiest gesture of the year: Kobe wearing Jerry West's jersey at the victory parade.

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Only athlete left in America with a sense of humor: Shaq.

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This week's "What Were You Thinking Award?" goes to the angry wife in Florida who pulled her husband's shirt from the closet, set it on fire and accidentally burned down the house. Congratulations.

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Prediction: Chelsea Clinton will choose never to marry.

Each year, I watch a little less TV.

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Whatever happened to Cyndi Lauper?

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I'm serious. While you're sleeping, Martha Stewart is planning your future.

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Most-tired financial advice: Be a long-term investor.

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In June, real men smell like Armor All.

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In July, they smell like hamburger smoke.

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In August, all food is finger food.

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What Dean Martin was to martinis, my friend Irv is to margaritas.

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Christina Aguilera over-sings.

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Russell Crowe over-swings.

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Anybody spotted Debra Winger?

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Is Martha Stewart dangerous? Or a natural-born leader with a vision for a better tomorrow?

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Bat speed. Hitting a baseball well is all about bat speed.

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Quotable: "When people are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other." (from http://www.despair.com)

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In California, car wax should come with SPF ratings.

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While you were sleeping, the NFL renamed the Central Division.

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Popcorn always tastes better in a movie theater.

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Revenge always tastes better at a ballpark.

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The biggest key to a good friendship is the ability to laugh at each other.

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Twins? Eddie Murphy and the Phillies' Doug Glanville.

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Favorite all-time celebrity quote: "I've never seen a full apparition, but I once saw what could be termed an ectoplasmic light, and that scared the hell out of me."--Dan Aykroyd.

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With every passing day, I look a little more like Broderick Crawford.

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To an ex-Chicagoan, renaming the Central Division is a little like renaming Wrigley Field.

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Suddenly, Dan Rather, Tom Brokaw and Peter Jennings all seem older than algae.

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But in TV journalism, algae is an asset.

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Just 94 days till Laker training camp.

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And six months till Christmas.

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In the meantime, bring back onion grinders at Dodger Stadium.

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Bring back Cool-A-Coos.

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Bring back double-baggers.

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Stop Martha Stewart. Stop her now.

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Chris Erskine's column is published on Wednesdays. His e-mail address is chris.erskine@latimes.com.

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