Wait Until the Texans Get Going in the NFL

Fran Blinebury of the Houston Chronicle writes that he’s bored with the Rockets, who failed to make the NBA playoffs: “The Rockets are like a painting of black cows in a field at night. There’s nothing to see.... I would rather watch grass grow, paint peel, water boil or snails race than watch another season, month, week or single game of this....

“There is dishwater that isn’t as dull as this act. Oatmeal that isn’t this bland.”

Trivia time: Who holds the Laker record for points in a playoff game?

Confident: Chris Webber of the Sacramento Kings, commenting to Mark Kreidler of the Sacramento Bee on the team’s improvement this year: “Mentally, I think we’re miles ahead of last year. Myself, I think I’m a better player, a stronger player mentally ... and I think our team is stronger.”

Bargain digits: Bud Geracie in the San Jose Mercury News: “Chicago Cub broadcaster Jesse Rogers to Antonio Alfonseca, the pitcher with six fingers and toes: ‘Were you born that way?’ No, he got a deal on them.”

More Geracie: “New Raider linebacker Roman Phifer has a middle name, Zubinski, that was picked out of a phone book by his father.”

What city isn’t? Scott Ostler in the San Francisco Chronicle: “Building an equestrian venue for the next summer Olympics in Athens, workers unearth the remains of an ancient brothel. So already Athens is more exciting than Salt Lake City.”

He can’t relate: An interviewer once asked Arnold Palmer which golfers he watched on television when he was a youngster. Said the King, 72: “When I was a youngster, they had just discovered radio.”

Mind blowing: Comedy writer Alex Kaseberg in the San Francisco Chronicle: “Tiger Woods won the Masters, and in another sporting development that was just as shocking, a Kenyan won the Boston Marathon the next day. The next shocker: a horse will win the Kentucky Derby.”

Throwing in the towel: Ray Allen of the Milwaukee Bucks on the state of the team before it failed to make the playoffs: “We’ve gone all the way to the top, and we’ve gone all the way to the bottom.

“Whatever cockiness we had, or swagger we had, is gone. Our confidence to win games is gone.”

Carrying charges: Dave Boling in the Tacoma (Wash.) News Tribune: “If Tiger tips the usual 10% of his winnings, then his caddie has earned more money from the tour than David Duval has this year.”

Looking back: On this day in 1977, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar set a Laker playoff record with nine blocked shots against Golden State.

Trivia answer: Elgin Baylor, with 61, against the Boston Celtics on April 14, 1962. The Lakers won, 126-122, but the Celtics won the NBA Finals in seven games.

And finally: Before Oregon quarterback Joey Harrington became the third player picked in the NFL draft by the Detroit Lions, he took the New York Giants’ 480-question personality test, which included the question, “Do you enjoy beating animals?”

Harrington told CNNSI.com: “I wondered, if you’re a linebacker, should you answer yes?”