Weekend of Dysfunction at All-Star Junction

No Place Like Philly for All-Star Phollies: Ask Kobe Bryant, remembering it is safer than experiencing it.

The interesting thing about All-Star games isn’t the game, but the snapshot of a league in transition that emerges from this rite of marketing, partying and narcissism (see: Chris Webber’s shiny-to-the-point-of-blinding sneakers) when Commissioner David Stern’s “NBA family” gathers.

It’s more like “the NBA’s family of products,” featuring a once-hot, now-lukewarm-but-still-promising men’s league and a struggling women’s circuit, which Stern keeps trying to sneak into the general consciousness.

How about (gag) three-ball?

How about Tamika Catchings of the Indiana Fever on the NBA Web site, analyzing the Laker-Wizard game?

Not that I have anything against the WNBA. I have a daughter, I like the fact it exists. It just doesn’t follow that it must meet sales projections or be a bust, or that the NBA audience should be constantly assailed by its promos.

Stern, then in his heyday, thought the women would remain the headliners they were at the 1996 Olympics, which was a one-shot. In real life, the WNBA is an add-on to a crowded calendar and whatever the market says it is.

But then, the All-Star game is all about juxtaposing the tiresome, the excessive and sometimes even the sublime.

The “host,” 76er owner Ed Snider, kicked this one off with a classic display of bad manners, complaining about not getting enough seats for season ticket-holders, sputtering: “If I could give the game back, I would. I can tell you this for sure: We will never apply for another [one].”

This was an uber-embarrassment for Philadelphia, which, in answer to its stereotype, now calls itself “The city that loves you back.” But it was departed 76er President Pat Croce, not Snider, who landed the event; this was just Ed’s idea of a nice going-away present.

Snider is in basketball only by corporate accident. The owner of the NHL’s Flyers, he fought the 76ers tooth and nail for years and knows little about the NBA team he was put in charge of by majority owner Comcast.

The Flyers are Snider’s life and the NHL is a world he understands, where the money is smaller and the players mostly rural Canadians, as opposed to the NBA, where one must bet huge sums on splashy, large-living youths.

Nor is he much interested. When Coach Larry Brown’s vows to leave hit the press, Snider’s response from his Santa Barbara winter home was, “I’m out here in California having a good time and all these reports are trying to spoil that.”

If the 76ers unravel, Snider’s fellow Philadelphians may spoil more than his vacations. Unlike Bryant, he actually lives there when the weather warms up.

Then there was local icon Allen Iverson, in vintage endearing/partying form.

Thursday at Charlotte, three days before the All-Star game, he passed up the 76ers’ shoot-around, saying he was ill, then scored 36 points in 45 minutes that night in a win over the Hornets.

Just off the plane home, he was photographed at 2 a.m. Friday in a Center City club.

Friday afternoon, he blew off the media session, saying he was ill.

Friday night, he was back on the town at the party he was hosting at a downtown mall.

Saturday he attended a makeup media session with Michael Jordan, which became the nicest moment the NBA had had since the ‘80s, when Magic Johnson and Larry Bird became friends, turning the old Laker-Celtic feud into a love-in.

Admitting what he had secretly felt in his snarling-rookie days, Iverson gushed of Jordan, “I mean, he’s the guy all of us wanted to be like.”

Jordan reprised his career, which seemed, in retrospect, just like Iverson’s, starting with Mike’s All-Star debut, when veterans jealous of his Nike deal froze him out. The generations embraced, at last.

Of course, Saturday night, Iverson was back on the party circuit and by Sunday afternoon was in no shape to fight Bryant for MVP honors, disappointing the crowd, as did Jordan’s cameo and the West’s romp, until the fans started in on Bryant.

Of course, this didn’t dishonor Bryant, just those who tried to dishonor him, so you can’t say that Philadelphia got the hoped-for image makeover.

There’s a gulf between New York and Los Angeles, where the stars live, and everywhere else, like Philadelphia, a place I lived for 10 years and love, where the presumed attitude of the rare celebrity in their midst, like the child Kobe, accused of turning his back on them at 17, is so earthshaking.

The Philadelphia Daily News, while pursuing all the celebs it could photograph, zinged locals “for displaying ridiculously low self-esteem. Why were we so shocked to see Hollywood movie stars, Grammy Award-winners and big-time jocks here in town--and having a good time? The last time we checked, Philadelphia was the fifth-largest city in the nation.”

Hopefully, they’ll amass more self-esteem in the 30 years before the NBA returns, assuming Ed Snider Jr., or whoever’s in charge, is over it.

*

Faces and Figures

NBA general managers interrupted their All-Star weekend en masse to drive to Trenton, N.J., to see 6-foot-7 LeBron James, a high school junior from Akron, Ohio, who is not eligible for this draft. The consensus: He’s the next Kobe. The high end of projections: One GM noted, “If he improves, he’ll be the best ever.” ... Next overrated event, Thursday’s trade deadline. Tradition says there’ll be more talk than action. Moreover, unless someone loses it, as the Phoenix Suns did last summer, it’s hard to change a team by trades, even if half the league is desperate.... Denver’s Nick Van Exel, who says he’d opt out of his last two years--worth $26 million--to escape, blew off a practice last week, missed a start, was booed, taunted the crowd to pile it on, then went to the sideline, perhaps to keep from getting hurt and discouraging bidders.

Then there’s Knick Coach Don (Dead Duck) Chaney, hoping for a reprieve from the governor, emerging from a meeting with GM Scott Layden to announce: “We’re very small. We need a post-up presence. There’s some things that are very exciting.” ... The Knicks are offering their usual package of Latrell Sprewell or Allan Houston plus Marcus Camby, oft-injured and now out for a month. There may be a GM who’d give them a big man for that, if only Layden could get one drunk enough.... The Memphis Commercial-Appeal, obtaining records from the publicly owned Pyramid, showed both the Grizzlies and the University of Memphis inflating crowd counts by more than 2,000 a game. The Grizzlies have reported average attendance of 14,548, but the real number is 12,271. “What we do is follow league guidelines,” said Grizzly vice president Mike Golub. “That’s what NBA teams do around the league.” Translation: “We lie. That’s what NBA teams do around the league.”

More support for Bryant from another Philadelphian, Houston’s Cuttino Mobley: “He loves Philly so much, that’s bad. People are so quick to root for somebody that’s not even from Philadelphia and then they do that to him. It really hurt me because of how I love home so much. And Kobe loves home. Then he comes home and they boo him.” ... New Jersey’s Jason Kidd, a likely candidate to leave as a free agent in 2003, shook up the Nets, saying he’d love to play with his friend Tim Duncan. Duncan is now thinking in terms of staying, since the San Antonio Spurs will have more than $20 million of cap room. “I would hope I could attract a superstar, star, whatever it may be, to San Antonio to see what we’re doing, what kind of team we have, the history we have of winning,” Duncan said. “That in itself could be enough to bring people around. I love the place. I love being there.”

What’s the world coming to when an NBA superstar can’t date an international supermodel in peace? Webber went bonkers at a Sacramento Bee story about Tyra Banks, his constant companion, spotted in Philadelphia sitting on his lap. Webber vowed in an obscenity-filled videotaped tirade that he’d stop talking to local writers.... Had to happen: Sacramento’s Gerald Wallace, beaten fairly in the dunk finals by Golden State’s Jason Richardson, vowed never to return: “It’s all politics,” said Wallace. “I’m not doing it anymore.” ... I give up, who’s Gerald Wallace?