These Kids Are More Like Chopin Than Pele

Bernie Lincicome of the Rocky Mountain News has a theory about why soccer continually fails to gain acceptance in the United States:

“It was assumed that soccer would become the favored sport of ethnic populations, and the tough grandchildren of the Old World would become the next generation of players and spectators.

“That’s the way football was born. Basketball renews itself on similar and familiar dreams. Or soccer would become so organized, like basketball, that sheer numbers would produce stars and witnesses.

“What happened instead was that soccer became the choice of suburban parents of children without athletic skills, the kind of kids who once would have been kept indoors to practice the piano because they were too klutzy to play baseball.”

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Trivia time: What NFL playoff record does Norm Van Brocklin of the Rams share with quarterbacks Frank Filchock of the Giants and Bobby Layne of the Lions?

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Reversal of interest: Nick Canepa of the San Diego Union-Tribune in an interview with John Robinson, Nevada Las Vegas coach, who formerly coached USC and the L.A. Rams, on the recent trend of NFL coaches becoming interested in college jobs:

“One of the reasons, I think, is that a lot of younger coaches are being hired in the NFL now. It used to be they’d hire guys 50-plus who wouldn’t have much left.

“But there are young guys now and almost all of them have served as college assistants. And the college jobs are paying so much damn money now. There’s a financial parity--in some cases, the colleges are paying a lot more than the NFL.”

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Comfort zone: Tom FitzGerald in the San Francisco Chronicle:

“Barry Bonds will carry the Olympic torch on its last leg in San Francisco and will light the caldron on Jan. 18, his publicists said.

“For security reasons the site hasn’t been announced yet.

“But Janice Hough of Palo Alto hears that former Astro Manager Larry Dierker ‘has already asked Olympic officials to make him walk.’”

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The easy way: Gene Frenette in the Florida Times-Union:

“Juanita Jordan, wife of Michael, has filed for divorce and is asking for half of Jordan’s property.

“If Juanita gets her way, that means she gets three NBA rings without scoring a point.”

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Coordination test: Mikki Moore, the Detroit Pistons’ third-string center:

“I’m the low man right now. But I’ll always remember a conversation with Kevin McHale.

“He told me if you’re seven feet tall, can run down the court and chew gum at the same time, you’ll have a job in this league.”

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Looking back: On this day in 1973, the Miami Dolphins completed a perfect season by defeating the Washington Redskins, 14-7, in Super Bowl VII at the Coliseum.

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Trivia answer: Most passes intercepted in a game, six.

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And finally: Tiger Woods’ entourage at the New Zealand Open over the weekend snacked on “Tiger buns”--a sticky delicacy produced by a local bakery to mark Woods’ visit.

Woods’ mother, Kultida, visited a bakery near the golf course to purchase pastries and Tiger buns--hand-sized treats containing orange and chocolate chips, shaped like a paw.

Mal Florence