This Team May Not Give Him Satisfaction

Washington Post columnist Tony Kornheiser, welcoming Steve Spurrier to town as the new Redskin coach, had this to say:

“You’re Steve Spurrier and it’s great to be you.

“You’re like Mick Jagger was 30 years ago--when it was still great to be Mick Jagger. (Not like now, when he’s an old coot who’s beginning to look like a gargoyle.)”

And more Kornheiser:

“The owner in Washington doesn’t have a quarterback worthy of Spurrier’s spit, and his most reputed wide receiver has been seven years worth of disappointment. But he hired Spurrier in a heartbeat. (It’s like signing Tom Cruise to star in your movie, and only afterward writing a script.)”

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Trivia time: How many current Lakers went to high school in California?

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Documentary: NBC’s Bob Costas on coverage of the Salt Lake Winter Olympics: “We want to show that Utah is more than Karl Malone, beautiful mountains and some guy with five wives and 26 kids.”

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Looking back: Chicago Tribune columnist Phil Rogers, on the sorry state of baseball in the Windy City:

“It has been 42 seasons since either the White Sox or the Cubs went to the World Series, and 84 since either of them won a series championship. Heck, we’ve thrown one since we’ve won one.”

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Ouch! Political comedian Mark Russell suggests that Houston change the name of Enron Field to Leavenworth Park.

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Daytona time: From the Sporting News’ Caught on the Fly column:

“Fly put ear to pavement and found out thisquick that another season of paint trading is barreling around turn 2 [four weeks and countin’, lugnuts]. Boffo competition, cocoon-like protection and genuine, ahem, dislike for one another have drivers ready to bump and NASCAR honchos starting to suh-weat when Jeffy Gordon says, ‘If they rub me the wrong way, I’m going to rub them right back.’

“And how does that rub you, Robby Gordon and Tony Stewart?”

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Enough said: Ozzie Smith, newly elected to baseball’s Hall of Fame, spent much of his time after retirement playing golf.

“People ask me what my handicap is, and I say it’s golf,” he said.

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Politically incorrect: The Denver team in the new United Women’s Football League will be known as the Foxes.

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The boss talks: Former Formula One champion Niki Lauda, 52, unhappy with the way his Jaguar team performed last year, says he will test the 2002 model himself before the season starts.

Said team driver Pedro de la Rosa: “I’ll be very disappointed if he beats me. He hasn’t driven an F1 car for 16 years and his stomach is getting bigger.”

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Trivia answer: Three--Mark Madsen, San Ramon Valley; Jelani McCoy, San Diego St. Augustine; and Brian Shaw, Oakland Bishop O’Dowd.

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And finally: According to Drew Sharp, Detroit Free Press columnist, “Bud Selig’s credibility is dropping as fast as Enron stock, his word holding about as much value. He’s the mouthpiece for a multibillionaire fraternity determined to drive the game into the graveyard, and the commissioner’s role is to navigate from behind the steering wheel.”