Ill Wind Blows Through Finals

Mike Bianchi of the Orlando Sentinel has a problem with the Detroit Red Wings’ opponent in the Stanley Cup finals:

“If ever there were a sign that the sports world is entering the third ring of hell, here it is: The Carolina Hurricanes are in the Stanley Cup finals.

“And I’m not saying the fans in Carolina are hockey hillbillies, but if the Hurricanes win, there is already talk of changing the name of Lord Stanley’s Cup to Cousin Stanley’s Corn Liquor Jug.”

Wing nuts: Nick and Sarah Arena of Maumee, Ohio, consider themselves big Red Wing fans. So much so, that when Sarah gave birth to a boy Thursday, the couple named him Joe Louis.

Add the last name and he’s Joe Louis Arena, as in the stadium where the Red Wings play their home games.

“Some people think you can’t do that to a baby,” Sarah told WTOL-TV in Toledo, “but most people start laughing right away and they think it’s a really cool thing.”

We’ll have to wait and see if little Joe feels the same way.

Trivia time: What do USC baseball Coach Mike Gillespie, San Diego Charger receiver Curtis Conway, Cy Young Award winner Mike Scott and Beach Boys’ legend Brian Wilson have in common?

Criminal Cup: Inmates at the notorious Thai jail nicknamed the “Bangkok Hilton” will swap their regular uniforms for soccer shirts this week to compete in a prison version of the World Cup.

Seven-a-side teams from Nigeria, France, Germany, Thailand, Britain, Italy, the United States and World Cup co-host Japan will battle it out starting Thursday on the full-size pitch at Klong Prem prison, cheered by foreign embassy staff and local officials.

“We thought it would help the prisoners relax,” said Thitiporn Tharappome, chief of foreign relations at the prison, which houses 1,132 foreign inmates serving sentences for crimes such as drug trafficking and murder.

For these guys, drawing a red card probably isn’t a big deal.

Naked city: While Russian soccer fans rioted in Moscow after their team’s 1-0 World Cup loss to Japan, a 23-year-old Japanese fan was arrested Monday after he stripped off all his clothes during a public celebration in Tokyo.

Yes, alcohol reportedly was involved.

Whatever you say: John Schuerholz, general manager of the Atlanta Braves, says there won’t be any favoritism directed toward his son Jonathan, an Auburn infielder, who was drafted in the eighth round by the Braves.

“His last name doesn’t matter at all,” the elder Schuerholz said. “It’s how well he plays, how hard he works and how much his wants it.”

Trivia answer: All are graduates of Hawthorne High.

And finally: Brian Schmitz of the Orlando Sentinel asks the question: If you were building a championship basketball team and had the first pick, who would you take, Shaquille O’Neal or Michael Jordan in their prime?

A poll of NBA personnel found, Schmitz wrote, that “Shaq is en route to replacing Michael in the minds of many as the most dominant player in the modern era.” But Phil Jackson, who has coached both players, picked Jordan.

“It has to do with leadership, competitive nature,” Jackson told Schmitz. “Michael is in a class by himself in that regard.”