For McCarron, No Blow Is Considered Too Low

I reminded jockey Chris McCarron after he got off the back of Gallant following the seventh at Hollywood Park on Wednesday, it was the 27,080th time in his career he has lost a race, the 16,685th time his horse has finished out of the money.

“It’s no wonder I’m retiring,” said McCarron, going to the humor, although I wonder if he had second thoughts about surrendering his whip to a groom a minute too soon.

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YOU SEE, McCarron and I have some history. It’s been about a year since I wrote a column advising bettors to avoid wagering on any horse ridden by McCarron in the Hollywood Gold Cup. McCarron had lost the race 18 consecutive times and was my lock of the year to make it No. 19 on Chris McCarron Bobblehead Day.

McCarron rode Futural in the Gold Cup, crossed the finish line first, and because something was obviously wrong, the stewards put their heads together and dropped McCarron’s horse to third because there’s no way he could have won the race without doing something against the rules.

So when McCarron saw me coming Wednesday I expected him to hop on the nearest horse and take off running. I wasn’t worried, though, the way his horses have been running lately, I knew I’d catch him.

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I JOKE, of course, because McCarron--like few other athletes in this town--can take it. He not only can take it, but invites it.

After his retirement announcement, he e-mailed to say: “Just to fill you in, the REAL reason I retired is because I couldn’t take the pressure leading up to the Gold Cup on July 14th knowing you would be writing how I cannot win it. I figured I better get out while I can.”

I’m still waiting for that first tongue-in-cheek e-mail from Kevin Brown.

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“CHRIS is a true champion,” said Daryl Dorf, a.k.a. actor Tim Conway, who in character is probably a few inches taller than McCarron, and like myself someone who can probably count on one hand the number of times he’s won money on McCarron. “There’s going to be a big hole in the jocks’ room when he’s done.”

They don’t make top-flight performers as generous with their time and articulate as McCarron anymore. And he’s had so much to overcome too, playing hockey as a youngster, and let that be a lesson to all you kids if you don’t want your growth stunted--stay away from hockey.

Now everybody likes McCarron, and it’s almost sickening. There already have been tons of glowing articles about him, so I say no need for another one here.

In a 1985 Los Angeles Magazine article, writer Al Stump quoted actor Cary Grant as saying, “I’d hesitate to lay money against [McCarron], even if they put him on a lame jackass.” I like that quote because it shows you how old McCarron is. Ask Kobe Bryant if he knows who Cary Grant is. Ask him if he considers McCarron one of L.A.’s all-time great athletes.

During the playoffs, Bryant was asked if he thought horses were athletes, and he said they were, but he wasn’t so sure about the guys who ride around in circles on their backs.

McCarron cut Bryant’s comments out of the paper. “I highlighted what he said, blew it up twice and hung it in the jocks’ room--low, of course, so they could all see it,” McCarron said. “I challenge Kobe to come down here and get on our Equicizer (simulating a horse ride). Alex Solis would still be pumping 13 minutes later, but I defy Kobe to last two. We’ll see who is an athlete.”

Then maybe they can go outside and play one-on-one--best of three.

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THEY TELL me McCarron has won 7,137 races in his career. I wish I had been there for one. They tell me McCarron’s horses have earned more than $264 million with him on their backs, and I’m glad someone made some money.

“It’s a tough business,” he said, and I know, I bet on him to win Wednesday. “But if I go home after racing five times and tell the wife I lost four races, I’m a happy camper. Winning 20% of the races you ride is a good day.”

He rode two horses Wednesday and lost them both, but then I guess no one remembers how many times Babe Ruth struck out. Just once, though, I’d like to see him point to the finish line like he knows where it is.

That doesn’t give me much time. He’s riding in a jockey challenge in Texas on Friday night, and probably will ride five times Saturday at Hollywood Park, and five more Sunday, finishing his career on Came Home.

“He’s got a good chance to win,” jockey Kent Desormeaux said. “If he takes off that jockey cap, the glare from that bald spot on the back of his head should blind riders and horses behind him.”

Now if I can only get everyone to agree to give him a head start in his last race.

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AS A participant in the seventh annual Rod Carew Children’s Cancer Golf Classic on July 8 at Coto de Caza Country Club, I caution anyone who would like to join the tournament (www.pcrf-kids.com/carew/) that Sergio Garcia-like annoying antics will not be tolerated. Anyone coming with a waggle will win two tickets to a Sparks’ game and be forced to go and sit next to Jack Haley.

My only concern now is Haley might end up in my foursome.

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TODAY’S LAST word comes in e-mail from Mike R.:

“Just to have you know, I went to the Dodger game last night, booed Ra-uuuuuul Mondesi, wrote in Steve Sax for 2B because Mark Grudzielanek is no better and stuffed the All-Star ballot box with 50 votes for Shawn Green.”

I was hoping you might’ve voted for Chad Kreuter, so he’d get one.

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T.J. Simers can be reached at t.j.simers@latimes.com.