‘Poodles Bark’ Might Not Be News, but at Least It Wasn’t ‘Dogs Bite Man’
The world seems to abound with conspiracy theories these days. Consider this distress call in the police log of the Los Alamitos News-Enterprise: “One man claimed his neighbors made their large poodles bark at him whenever he was in his frontyard.” I can’t see any merit to this claim. I’ve never met a poodle that didn’t bark at everyone it saw.
Get this column to the church on time: It’s June. Do I have matrimonial items? I do (see accompanying):
* A bowl for the gardening bride (Dolores Russell of Huntington Beach)
* A shop that offers some sort of alternative to “weddings” (Jay Lowy of Encino)
* A supply service of wedding partners off the Santa Ana Freeway
* And, finally, some “loners” that an electronics company makes available to its sales reps.
Secessionist songbook: Jon Evans of Woodland Hills puts in a request for “Let Me Go, Lover,” the old Teresa Brewer recording.
Numbers games: Remember the embarrassment for the Houston Astros when they found themselves playing at Enron Field? Well, the Dodgers aren’t quite in that fix. But Norbert Taylor did notice on the team’s Web site that Dodger Stadium will be the site of Foam Finger Day, compliments of financially troubled Adelphia, on July 20. (I can think of a use that the company’s stockholders would make of those fingers.) And Aug. 27 is the date of Bubble Watch Night, courtesy of another entity with moolah problems: Amtrak.
With all these financial crises, I heard an analyst say that “no one trusts numbers anymore.” Who knows who’s exaggerating? I mean, what if the Dodgers cooked their scorebooks? What if the team has actually lost more games than it has won? What is the infield fly rule? Only time will tell.
More numbers games: Bob Abrahams of L.A. points out that Laker fans have a question to ponder in the off-season in the wake of the team’s third straight championship.
Mainly, what phrase will they want to use to describe the fourth title that the team will surely win next year? (Threepeat would be outdated, obviously.) I sort of like Fourgone (Laker championships are Fourgone conclusions these days). Abrahams suggested Four-play. I’m open to suggestions.
miscelLAny: Well, we’ve just passed the halfway point to Christmas, and that’s good news for those of you who have yet to take down the holiday lights on your house. Now, you can inform your nosy neighbors that you’re not lazy, you’re an early bird, and they’re just Scrooges who ought to mind their own business.
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Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LA-TIMES, Ext. 77083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, 202 W. 1st St., L.A. 90012 and by e-mail at steve .harvey@latimes.com.
