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Cup Provided Plenty of Kicks

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Be The Reds? We did that for a while, being red and seeing red for as long as we could stand, until the Germans, as usual, stopped by to ruin the party.

Welcome to Blue Heaven? We spent some time there too, taking notes, filing away a scouting report. Did you know that in the afterlife, people dye their hair blond and neon red, eat lots of sushi and take flying headers off river bridges when one of them scores against Tunisia?

Along the way, we also scoped out an Italian diving competition, a Senegalese witch doctor convention, an Irish bagpipe concert, a Belgian tie factory--most popular item: 1 to 1--and a monthlong Turkey feast with all the trimmings.

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And then the rains came and cold water splashed across our faces and when we finally snapped to, whom did we spot in the final?

Brazil and Germany.

Of course.

This did much to placate Brazilian sponsor Nike, German sponsor Adidas, the FIFA power bases of South America and Europe, the host of the 2006 World Cup (Germany, again) and the many soccer purists who pay the dollars, euros, yen and won that keep the wheels of world soccer greased and spinning.

Meanwhile, South Korea, Japan and soccer columnists are left with the clean-up.

Anybody know a good sweeper?

The 2002 World Cup, on a fast rewind:

Best team: Was there one? It was supposed to have been France or Argentina, but they went home before Belgium did. Italy could have been, but--how to put this in 2,000 words or less?--the Italians have issues. Spain? Needs to work on penalties. Portugal? Needed to play more games against Jeff Agoos. Brazil? Germany? Sure, they made the final, but their best teams came and left years ago.

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South Korea and Senegal fell short in the knockout phase, but played soccer the way we’d all like it to be played. The Koreans went all out, full throttle, never easing off the pedal even when it might have benefited them--as in the Portugal game, when a 1-0 loss would have meant a better second-round draw (Mexico) for South Korea, which decided instead to play to win, did, and wound up drawing Italy.

In a tournament dragged down by too much negative soccer, Senegal was the World Cup’s leading source of positive energy. Every move was a dance step. Every goal was a festival. Every move made by Coach Bruno Metsu was the right one, except for a hairstyle that left him looking like soccer’s answer to Yanni. And no one was asking the question.

Worst team: Saudi Arabia lost by eight goals to Germany, case closed, right? Actually, the Saudis recovered from that hopeless opener to play reasonably well against Cameroon and Ireland. China, however, lost by scores of 2-0, 3-0 and 4-0, looking totally overmatched. Miracle worker no more, Coach Bora Milutinovic was last seen sprinting for the exit door before the final Chinese jersey was exchanged.

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Best goal: With apologies to Agoos’ crackling own-goal against Portugal--brilliantly taken--this one goes to Senegal again. Salif Diao scored it, against Denmark, but it was a full-field team effort: tackle and outlet pass by Henri Camara, back-heeled flick by El Hadji Diof, sweeping midfield pass by Diao, fast-breaking run and dish by Khalilou Fadigo to an onrushing Diao, who looked in one direction and finished in the other. Four interlocking pieces, none of them easy, but the Lions made it look like a jog in the park.

Quickest goal: Turkey’s Hakan Suker played 500 minutes without scoring once. Then South Korea kicked off Saturday’s third-place match. Back pass, Suker intercepts, Suker scores. Elapsed time: Eleven seconds. Reaction from Turkey: Where was this when we really needed it?

Best disallowed goal: Christian Vieri against Croatia. Or Filippo Inzaghi against Mexico. Or Damiano Tommasi against South Korea. Not that anyone in Italy is counting.

Best goal celebration: Nigeria scored only once in the tournament, in a 2-1 loss to Sweden, which perhaps explains how and why Julius Aghahowa set an individual World Cup record with six post-goal somersaults and one no-hands backflip. The coach of Nigeria’s gymnastics team was so impressed, he wanted to know if Aghahowa was interested in a tryout.

Runner-up: South Korea’s Ahn Jung Hwan short-grass speedskating routine against the United States. Assist: Apolo Anton Ohno, four months earlier in Salt Lake City.

Best match: South Korea-Italy in the second round. Superb goals taken. Superb goals disallowed. Overtime. Over the top. Upset winners. And, as you might have heard, upset losers as well.

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Worst match: Germany-Paraguay in the second round. Two teams bunkered in, the numbing inertia interrupted only by Oliver Neuville’s merciful goal in the 88th minute. The Germans may have reached the final, against long odds, but they still have so much to answer for.

Biggest gaffe (field players’ division): Christian Panucci, Italy. It’s an altogether different tournament--much less noisy, anyway--if Panucci clears that ball in the 88th minute against South Korea instead of half-chesting it, half-juggling it and completely losing it to Seol Ki-Hyeon, setting up an out-of-nowhere equalizer and so much Italian angst in its wake. On this much, the English have it right. Hoof it out of there, lad!

Biggest gaffe (goalkeepers’ division): On the other hand, the English have other problems. Brazil’s Ronaldinho broke a 1-1 quarterfinal tie with England by catching David Seaman off his line and unsuspecting, lobbing over Seaman from 30 yards and knocking England out of the tournament.

Biggest gaffe (coaches division): Mexico’s Javier Aguirre was hitting all the right buttons until the second round, when the United States scored first against Mexico, taking the ball down Ramon Morales’ side of the field. Losing either his patience or his cool, Aguirre quickly pulled Morales from the game and replaced him, inexplicably, with 33-year-old Luis Hernandez. Aguirre then watched Hernandez take 11 touches of the ball, losing it 10 times in a 2-0 Mexico defeat. Galaxy fans could have told him.

Hand ball that wasn’t: Aguirre did not go quietly into the Seoul airport. He complained that the Mexicans were robbed by a hand ball-in-the-box by American John O’Brien that went uncalled. U.S. goalkeeper Brad Friedel had a very good look at the play. “Great header, wasn’t it?” Friedel said with a grin.

Hand ball that wasn’t, the sequel: Then, the Americans advanced to the quarterfinal against Germany, where they lost, 1-0, after Gregg Berhalter’s shot struck Torsten Frings on the left forearm, on the goal line, and no hand-ball was called. Subtitle: You win some, you lose some.

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Ugliest Americans: In an upset, the Italians. They lose to Croatia and they cry FIFA conspiracy. They tie Mexico and Vieri nearly crushes the Mexican defender Rafael Marquez’s Adam’s apple with a vicious elbow to the throat. They lose to South Korea on a goal by Ahn Jung-Hwan and the president of Ahn’s Italian League club, Perugia, slurs Ahn and vows to cut him, calling the Korean “the man who ruined Italian football.” So Italy missed the late stages of the World Cup. Can’t say the feeling was mutual.

Do unto others as you’d have them do unto you: So what did Marquez learn from that unsightly incident with Vieri? Not much, unfortunately. When it became obvious Mexico would lose its next match, to the archrival Americans, Marquez decided it was time to head-butt Cobi Jones while cleating him from behind. Marquez ended an otherwise admirable tournament with a sorry red card and an accompanying four-game suspension.

Best uniform: Spain. The Spaniards looked very stylish missing their penalty kicks.

Worst uniform: Slovenia over Croatia in a shootout. We’ve seen Croatia and their tablecloths-with-sleeves before. The checkered republic. But where did Slovenia dig up those forest green and white zig-zag disasters, a garage sale in downtown Ljubljana? I see better-looking jerseys every week in the Long Beach Men’s Soccer League.

Most intriguing hairstyle: Nigerian defender Taribo West’s rather unusual double antler/antennae look. It makes you wonder: How’s the radio reception?

Runner-up: Ronaldo and whatever that is on the top of his forehead. A crescent moon? An Egyptian pyramid? An ever-ready mouse pad for his hand-held personal computer?

Most valuable player: Oliver Kahn, Germany. That jaw. That forehead. Those sideburns. Those hands. Where would Germany have been without him? In Germany, watching the United States in the semifinals.

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Most outrageous scenario: The United States in the semifinals. It almost happened, as incredible as it still sounds nine days later. The outlook wouldn’t have been particularly promising, not with Eddie Pope, Pablo Mastroeni and Berhalter due to miss the semifinal with double-yellow card suspensions. Still, as one 50-year-old U.S. writer put it, “I can’t believe I’m actually talking about this, this early in my life.”

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