Half Truths and False Moves

The NFL season at halftime. Or: Time flies, even if you’re a football fan in Cincinnati....

Most valuable player at the half: Brett Favre. Take him out of the Green Bay lineup (as a sprained knee suffered against Washington almost did). Take a look at what’s left. That’s a 7-1 team? That’s a Super Bowl team? It is if Favre stays in the lineup and the Packers win the NFC home-field advantage. Favre is 6-0 in playoff games at Lambeau Field.

Most valuable off-season acquisition: Drew Bledsoe. Where would the Buffalo Bills be without him? Precisely where the Chicago Bears and Cincinnati Bengals are without him. The opportunity: Both the Bears and Bengals had their chances to trade for Bledsoe. The irony: Both the Bears and Bengals decided to, ahem, pass.

We know nothing: Pittsburgh and St. Louis, consensus Super Bowl favorites, began the season a combined 1-8.

But we are rallying: Led by the sure-handed quarterbacking of Tommy Maddox and Marc Bulger (of course), Pittsburgh and St. Louis are 7-0 over the last four weeks.

If you don’t really need the BCS, we’ll take it: Who’s No. 1 in the NFL? Who knows? No power ranking can stick with a No. 1 team longer than Steve Spurrier sticks with a quarterback. The consensus has flip-flopped from St. Louis to New England to Oakland to Miami to New Orleans to San Diego to Green Bay. With Denver, Philadelphia, Tampa Bay and Pittsburgh on deck.

And they want more wild cards: Twelve teams will qualify for the NFL playoffs. Entering today’s games, 11 teams have winning records.

As your attorney, I advise you to retire immediately: Months removed from the Pro Bowl, Pittsburgh quarterback Kordell Stewart was benched and replaced by an ex-XFL player, Maddox.

(Runner-up: Dallas quarterback Quincy Carter, who lost his job to a minor-league pitcher who hadn’t thrown a football in a competitive game since 1997, Chad Hutchinson.)

Best place to recruit offensive talent: The Arena League. Following a trail blazed by Kurt Warner in 1999, Pittsburgh’s Maddox, another Arena alum, is 4-1 since becoming the Steelers’ starting quarterback. And Maddox’s former New Jersey Red Dog teammate, Michael Lewis, had 356 all-purpose yards while returning a punt and a kickoff for touchdowns for New Orleans in Week 6.

Worst use of slow motion: Emmitt Smith’s bearcrawl to history -- the final, plodding steps the old Cowboy needed to pass Walter Payton on the all-time rushing list. In his 13th season, Smith, 32, is averaging 66 yards a game. Try to remember the Super Bowl years, if you can.

Doomsday Offense: Worst game of 2002: Arizona 9, Dallas 6 (in overtime!). Second-worst game of 2002: Detroit 9, Dallas 7. Worst game of 2001: Dallas 9, Washington 7. What do these games have in common? And what will Dave Campo be doing this time next year?

Smartest rookie: Bryant McKinnie, who held out for half of the Minnesota Vikings’ season.

Dumbest rookie: McKinnie, who, despite knowing what he now knows, signed with the Vikings last week.

Biggest brain cramp (player): Cleveland Linebacker Dwayne Rudd, for the Helmet Toss Heard ‘Round the World, which cost the Browns a season-opening victory over Kansas City and, most likely, a trip to the playoffs.

Biggest brain cramp (team): The Denver Bronco field-goal unit, for walking off the field after Jason Elam’s long field-goal sailed wide, enabling Baltimore’s Chris McAllister to catch the ball and return it 107 yards for a touchdown.

Biggest brain cramp (coach): It took one Super Bowl defeat, an 0-5 start and injuries to his top two quarterbacks for St. Louis’ Mike Martz to figure out that giving the ball to Marshall Faulk is a game plan with an upside.

Fade patterns: The Oakland Raiders started 4-0, followed by 0-4. The Carolina Panthers started 3-0, followed by 0-5. The Cincinnati Bengals started 0-7, followed by 1-0.

Worst uniform change: Seattle’s all-khaki look. If Mike Holmgren was really so smart, he’d have held out for the camouflage.

(Runner-up: Cleveland’s one-game experiment with the Great Pumpkin look. Orange football jerseys in Cleveland? What next, John Elway inducted into the Browns’ Hall of Fame?)

Why no inquisition? Seattle cornerback Shawn Springs has the same financial advisor as Terrell Owens. Springs was allegedly covering Owens on his infamous mightier-than-the-sword pass route-and-pen stroke maneuver. Springs then watched Owens hand over the signed football to the financial advisor he and Owens share. All of this on “Monday Night Football.” Hmmm. So what did Springs know? And when did he know it?

Money well spent: Redskin owner Daniel Snyder decided to fire last season’s coach, Marty Schottenheimer, and pay Spurrier $25 million to replace him. Schottenheimer is 6-2 with the San Diego Chargers, who were 6-26 in 2000-01.

Spurrier had to beat the grounded Indianapolis Colts and the hapless Seahawks just to even his record at

4-4.

“The Best Crop of QBs in 20 Years”: That’s what Sports Illustrated says on the cover of its latest issue. Settle down, boys and girls. For every Michael Vick and Drew Brees out there, there are NFL teams giving starting assignments to Randy Fasani, Matt Hasselbeck, Shane Matthews, Danny Wuerffel, Akili Smith, Gus Frerotte, Quincy Carter, Chad Hutchinson, Jamie Martin and Ray Lucas.

Should have been a sportswriter: Dozens of journalists were on hand to watch Lucas’ 13-for-33, four-interception, two-fumble performance in Miami’s 23-10 home loss to Buffalo, but no one summed it up more succinctly and accurately than Lucas: “I don’t think there’s ever been a case where one guy lost a game for his team. Except today. I was terrible.... [That was] the worst game anyone has ever played.”

Realignment re-examined: Hottest discussion topic at the midway point: How some 10-6 or 11-5 division runner-up is certain to get jobbed out of a playoff spot by a 7-9 or 8-8 division winner because of the new realignment. While it’s been fun to hear the teeth gnash, the fear isn’t quite justified by the threat.

A comparison of the old and new alignments and which teams would qualify if the playoffs began today:

Old AFC: Division leaders Denver (6-2), Miami (5-3) and Pittsburgh (5-3) and wild cards San Diego (6-2), Buffalo (5-4) and Tennessee (4-4, by virtue of tiebreakers).

New AFC: Division leaders Denver, Miami, Pittsburgh and Tennessee and wild cards San Diego and Buffalo.

Old NFC: Division leaders Green Bay (7-1), Philadelphia (6-2) and San Francisco (6-2) and wild cards Tampa Bay (7-2), New Orleans (6-2) and Atlanta (5-3).

New NFC: Division leaders Green Bay, Philadelphia, San Francisco and Tampa Bay and wild cards New Orleans and Atlanta.

Either way, the same 12 teams qualify.

So, pace yourselves, everybody. No nervous breakdown required yet.

This season still has a long way to go.