Something to Think About Till the Traffic Starts Moving

Was Yogi Berra a guest traffic reporter here recently? Mark Chapman of Tuolumne was driving through this area when he heard a voice on the radio say, “Well, if you find yourself stuck in holiday traffic on the L.A.-area freeways, you’re not alone.” Yes, it would be hard to be stuck in traffic if no one else was around.

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Holy Toledo: On a visit to the Bahamas, David DuMond of Westminster saw indications that the government wasn’t going to allow any panhandlers or drinkers into the nativity scene (see photo).

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Seasonal reminder: If you feel you’re being pushed around by an invisible force outdoors, the answer may lie on a page that was written for Chaffey College’s “Emergency Procedures Guidelines” publication (see accompanying).

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Stupid criminal tricks: The Beach Reporter says that a man was arrested the other morning after he broke the window of a South Bay jewelry store in a mall. He’d been making quite a bit of racket. And he suffered several cuts from his labors. The Reporter said the intruder had first busted through the window of an adjacent telephone store, thinking it was the jewelry shop. Bad connection.

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A new definition of cruel and unusual punishment: Jury candidates sometimes must wait in line for up to two hours at the security checkpoint of the Long Beach courthouse, the Press-Telegram reported. Maybe it’s time to amend the 6th Amendment so that it reads: “In all criminal prosecutions, the accused and the jurors shall enjoy the right to a speedy and public trial ... “

Of course, the wait does give potential jurors more time to make up excuses on why they can’t serve ....

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Viva la differential! Since mentioning MIT’s football cheer, I’ve heard some other parodies of the rah-rah stuff.

Don Brabston recalled this one from Georgia Tech:

Differential x, differential y

A squared, b squared, integral of pi

Engineers touchdown, engineers yell

Georgia Tech engineers, fight like (heck)

This was from a more innocent time, judging from some of the obscene chants heard at college games these days.

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Go, brains! (cont.): Glenn Chenalloy, meanwhile, sent along Caltech’s famous -- if not ferocious -- first-down football cheer:

Punt!

Punt!

Punt!

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miscelLAny: In its annual “Legal Follies” edition, California Lawyer magazine noted that this year, “Norway made it legal for the intoxicated to vote in elections.” Commented the magazine: “By contrast, in California you pretty much NEED a stiff drink to vote for anyone.”

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Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LA-TIMES, Ext. 77083; by fax at (213) 237-4712; or by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, 202 W. 1st St., L.A. 90012.