He’s Done His Share to Advance USC’s Cause

I received the following e-mail Monday from Tommy Trojan: “Fellow Trojans and Supporters of the Cause ... thank you for all of your help.”

Well, I’ve done what I could, of course, with no “thank you” really necessary in getting the Trojans this far.

And while it’s true, miserable duty calls first, and I’m off to San Jose today to spend time with the Bruins at the Silicon Valley waste of time -- I’m only doing it so I can say I know what it’s like to go from the outhouse to the penthouse culminating in Thursday’s Rose Bowl assignment.

For the record: Although I’ve been a diehard Trojan fan as long as I can remember, I’d like to reassure the losers who still support the Bruins that I intend to be as objective as always in writing about their crummy team, and their dull coach.

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IT’S GENERALLY accepted that most of us who love the Trojans are rich and a cut above ordinary citizens. So when I return from San Jose, it’s going to make for an interesting couple of Rose Bowl days mingling with all the factory workers from Michigan who have come to the big state hoping to catch a glimpse of Arnold.

I’ve had the grueling experience of being bored by the Midwestern likes of Bubba I, Bubba II and Bubba III, the brothers-in-law, so the shock of listening to yokels cluck about the new Piggly Wiggly in town isn’t going to hit me quite as hard.

I’ve also been to Detroit before, and if you moved all the people from Philadelphia to Detroit, you’d have a pretty good idea of what hell must be like, so I look at this week as a good reminder to once again be on my best behavior.

By the way, did you know that Eddie Slovik, who was executed for desertion, is buried in Detroit? Now some people might think it’s unfair that someone who was trying to run from Detroit might ultimately be buried there, but the truth is -- Slovik, a U.S. soldier, was executed for desertion while serving in France during WWII. Like you, I just never thought of Detroit as a final resting place for anyone.

Now I certainly don’t want to give the impression I’m bagging on Michigan. Charles Lindbergh was born in Detroit, and I’m sure he had a good reason for not naming his plane the “Spirit of Detroit.” Come on, I know more than anyone, the long and the short of it is some very nice people, such as Magic Johnson and Julie Krone, were born in Michigan before they left.

Here’s the problem for those who stay behind. When you live in a ho-hum state like Michigan, the yokels tend to go overboard in expressing their devotion for their very own -- because no one else will. That explains why Michigan draws more than 100,000 people to its football games.

You’ve watched Big Ten football, so obviously they’re not filling the place because they find the brand of football entertaining. Fact is, it’s the only time every year when the yokels from a ho-hum state can remind the rest of the country they exist. As you can see, the same thing applies to Nebraska.

And when you have this mind-set, you tend to think no one else feels as strongly about something as you do. Throw in a cockeyed view of what it’s like to live in California, and I would guess the factory workers from Michigan think just because UCLA fans are a little whacky, everyone is strange here and won’t go crazy over a football team.

They’ve probably heard about fans arriving late and leaving early for Dodger games. What they don’t realize, but we know living here, is that the Trojans are better hitters than the Dodgers, so we don’t miss a USC play.

I’m guessing the factory workers are coming here thinking they can be more obsessive and more obnoxious about their team than the Trojan faithful, which tells you what they know. Here at the Trojan Times we’ve made it pretty clear how we feel about the best team in the land, which is quite a feat when you consider we have a sports editor packing Notre Dame credentials.

In fact, I might break out my Trojan Aloha shirt again, and wear it in the press box for Thursday’s Rose Bowl. There’s no question in my mind I can be as big a homer as anyone from Michigan, and also this way no one will mistake me for a Bruin fan.

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IN CHRIS Dufresne’s story in The Times on Monday on Woody Hayes punching a player and losing his job, he quotes Hayes’ biographer Alan Natali asking the question: “Who could you compare him to now? There’s no one left.”

No one left? How about Bobby Knight, who choked a player?

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HORSE RACING can’t figure out how to draw more fans. When it does, like Santa Anita did opening day, it’s a disaster. The line to enter the clubhouse and turf club extended 200 yards into the parking lot, in part because Santa Anita kept five gates closed. Inside the lines at the concession stands were a nightmare -- as good an advertisement as I know to just stay home.

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I COULD understand Edison pulling out of a stadium naming rights deal with a team like the Dodgers that failed to generate any electricity, but not the Angels.

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HOLY RYAN Leaf, the Chargers have the No. 1 pick in the draft. The last time they had it, they gave away Michael Vick. A few years earlier, they moved into position to get either Leaf or Peyton Manning. Now they are in position to take Manning’s brother, Eli, and I’m betting they pass.

And anyone who has watched the Chargers of late knows nothing good happens when they pass.

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Only two more days for the Dodgers to make some baseball news.

Happy new year.

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TODAY’S LAST word comes in e-mail from Lance Beebe:

“In regards to Pete Rose, last time I checked ‘life-time ban’ means just that.”

What do you want to bet?

T.J. Simers can be reached at t.j.simers@latimes.com.