Sloan Never Has Been One to Jazz It Up

Sam Smith in the Chicago Tribune on Utah Jazz Coach Jerry Sloan:

“[He] has more than 800 coaching victories, ranking him among the NBA’s top 10 of all time in wins, winning percentage, playoff wins and playoff games coached.

“But no championship.

“ ‘It’s not something I lose sleep over,’ Sloan said. ‘Not like getting the best buy on a tractor. Basically, I’m a farmer and probably always will be.’ ”

Anyway, that’s his spin.

Trivia time: What do Gary Alcorn, Ray Felix, Jim Krebs, Howard Joliff and Rudy LaRusso have in common?

Give it time: Tom FitzGerald in the San Francisco Chronicle: “New Cowboy Coach Bill Parcells once said of Dallas owner Jerry Jones, ‘Once the owner wants to coach, then I’d be out of there the next day. I couldn’t coach in that situation myself.’

“So that was the biggest surprise in the NFL over the weekend: Parcells hasn’t quit yet.”

Anything is possible: After predicting the Falcons’ upset of the Packers, Norman Chad of America Online referred to Green Bay’s not having lost a playoff game at home: “Folks, just because something has never happened doesn’t mean it can’t happen. Example: Lyle Lovett marrying Julia Roberts.”

Watch out, Lance: Tiger Woods has begun rehabilitation on his left knee from surgery Dec. 12 to remove fluid around the ligaments.

“It’s definitely getting better,” Woods said on tigerwoods.com. “At least I’m able to get out and do stuff. I’m doing a lot of cardio rehab on an exercise bike. I should be ready for the Tour de France by mid-July.”

Mocking Mike: Bernie Lincicome of the Rocky Mountain News isn’t impressed with the recent work of Denver Bronco Coach Mike Shanahan: “What he has created is a mile-high edition of the Seattle Seahawks, a team of pedestrian prospects and infrequent astonishments.”

Come again? Paul Maurice, coach of the Carolina Hurricanes, when asked by Sports Illustrated when goaltender Kevin Weeks, sidelined with a concussion, would undergo a neurological test.

“I don’t know,” Maurice answered. “He’s been studying for it.”

His legacy: Comedy writer Earl Hochman: “With Roger Clemens probably retiring after next season, he’ll probably be best remembered for being a six-time Cy Young winner, eight-time All-Star and, more importantly, his deadly accuracy at tossing a broken bat at a runner.”

Looking back: On this day in 1972, the Lakers defeated the Atlanta Hawks, 134-90, reaching their still-standing professional sports record of 33 consecutive victories.

Trivia answer: They were members of the original L.A. Laker team in 1960-61, and theirs wasn’t an auspicious debut. The team had a 36-43 record.

And finally: Reader’s Digest noted this classified ad, which ran in the Sarasota (Fla.) Herald Tribune: “Ping 13, full set. Irons & woods. I’m done. Some minor damage from throwing clubs. Your cost equals my last score! $98.”

-- Mal Florence