They’re Starting Out by Talking a Good Game

One day on the job, and already Karl Malone has an assist.

He smilingly accepted Magic Johnson’s No. 32 jersey with MALONE stitched on the back, then deftly passed it back into retirement.

“You’re the man,” he said to Magic.

One day on the job, and already Gary Payton has a steal.

When asked to describe his new Laker team, he wrinkled his nose, then pilfered a purple-and-golden oldie.

“Showtime!” he said. “We’re gonna bring that back.”

On their first day of work Thursday, the two newest Lakers dribbled through their introductory news conference with enough delight and deference to make even the harshest cynic -- OK, me -- melt in his metaphors.

I’m still not convinced this Figueroa Frankenstein can be molded into a champion.

But it’s going to be knee-slapping fun watching them try.

One superstar showed up Thursday dressed for work -- old tank top, faded jeans -- and when is the last time that happened at a Laker function?

“When that ball goes into the air, I’ll be ready,” drawled the country-fried Malone.

The other superstar showed up ready to run, and when is the last time that’s happened around here?

“I want to lead the league in assists,” Payton said. “I’m going to be little John Stockton Jr.... “

It is indeed a new day at Staples Center, a little gray, a little stormy, but with a sunrise that won’t quit.

“In my wildest dreams, I never thought this would be possible,” said Mitch Kupchak, the Laker general manager, and it just kept getting wilder.

Malone became the first Laker unafraid to publicly imitate Shaquille O’Neal, rendering a hilarious account of O’Neal’s deep-throated sales pitch.

“When I get off the phone I’m like, ‘I think I just hung up with Superman,’ ” Malone said.

Payton became the first Laker unafraid to publicly offer on-court help for Kobe Bryant -- as opposed to the usual criticism -- by promising to handle the ball and dish it deep so Bryant doesn’t have to work as hard.

“I see Kobe expending a lot of energy bringing the ball up,” Payton said. “With me having the ball and backing people down, Kobe can take one dribble and get it to the basket.”

And when is the last time you heard a Laker -- any Laker! -- talk about the importance of playing hard from the beginning of ... October?

“We want to make a statement from the start of preseason,” Malone said. “We want to crush people.”

But with the biggest fists belonging to O’Neal and Bryant, they both emphasized.

Time and again, both men said they knew it wasn’t their locker room anymore.

Said Malone: “I realize, this is Kobe, Shaq and Phil’s team.”

Said Payton: “Me and Karl are just coming to help.”

All important words, but meaningless unless they are supported by actions.

Malone’s decision not to wear Johnson’s jersey, even though it was offered, was a nice first olive branch.

To those Laker fans still furious that Malone even considered wearing the jersey, Thursday’s gesture should change that perception as quickly as one of his turn-around jumpers.

“I think that’s the right move,” Johnson said. “You want to come in easy, you don’t want to come in with things being said.”

A jersey isn’t the only thing that the duo have given to Johnson. They also have extended their arms to their old competitor, clearly bringing him back into a more visible role in the organization.

Johnson spoke more at Thursday’s news conference than he has spoken at a team function in years.

He presided over a wisecracking sort of fun rarely seen in recent years in an organization for which defending championships had become drudgery.

This can only be good.

“We’ll finally be exciting,” Johnson said. “We’ve been winning, but we haven’t been exciting.”

Exciting, but explosive?

Despite all the good feelings and sincere promises Thursday, their potential for combustion remains an issue plagued by questions the approximate size of Malone’s biceps.

For example, did anybody else find it interesting that while both veterans had spoken to O’Neal, neither had yet spoken to Bryant?

They are surely smart enough to know that this foursome cannot win by playing three-on-one.

And is anybody else curious about this sudden necessity to run, on a team that won three consecutive championships doing quite the opposite?

Malone already has challenged O’Neal to put “his running shoes on,” an order that O’Neal may consider far less humorous than the earlier impersonation.

Said Payton: “I’m a hot-headed guy. I want to win games.”

Said Malone: “I feel a new feeling I haven’t felt in 10-12 years.”

On that, everyone can agree.

Bill Plaschke can be reached at bill.plaschke@latimes.com.