They All Have Big Story to Tell

Jeremy Shockey, a second-year tight end for the New York Giants, made a familiar excuse this week when asked about the gay slur he used to describe Bill Parcells in a taped interview with New York magazine.

“It’s something that got turned around,” said Shockey.

“You can’t trust anyone. If they want to sell papers and make their quote of the month, they’re going to do it, no matter what you say. [Parcells] coached here and he understands how the media is. I’m sure he didn’t think much of it.”

Shockey can do the I-was-misquoted mambo all he wants. But who needs to twist words when there are story lines this enticing heading into Week 2:

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They coulda been contendas -- Four teams with legitimate Super Bowl hopes -- Philadelphia, New England, Green Bay and Miami -- are struggling to regain their equilibrium after losing their openers at home. At least one of those teams will avoid an 0-2 start, though, because the Eagles play the Patriots on Sunday. It will be the first time in 71 years that teams will meet in the second game of the season after being shut out in their openers. The last time it happened was Oct. 1, 1932, when the Chicago Bears played the Staten Island Stapeltons.

The final score of that game: 0-0.

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The two Jakes -- Take Delhomme over Plummer. That’s a no-brainer after Carolina backup Jake Delhomme led the Panthers to a 24-23 victory over Jacksonville with three touchdown passes in the second half. Denver’s Jake Plummer won too, even though three of his passes were intercepted and he finished with a 21.7 quarterback rating. How did the Broncos win? They were playing Cincinnati. And they could get away with another stinker from their $40-million quarterback this week, considering they’re playing San Diego, which has four new starters in its secondary.

Proof there’s life after 40 -- Arizona rookie Anquan Boldin, whose stock took a nosedive at the NFL combine after he ran a slow 40-yard dash, offered a convincing rebuttal in the opener with 10 catches for 217 yards. The yardage total was the most ever by a player in his NFL debut. It was one man’s victory over the stopwatch.

It was not, however, a victory for the hapless Cardinals. Detroit won, 42-24.

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Martz-ing to his own drummer -- St. Louis Coach Mike Martz made a few dumb decisions in Sunday’s loss at the Meadowlands, the worst of which was leaving Kurt Warner in the game after the quarterback suffered a concussion in the first quarter. Afterward, Martz admitted that Warner -- who fumbled six times and was sacked six times -- wasn’t himself and had a confused look when receiving the plays. Martz also said the Rams should have tried a 48-yard field-goal attempt when they trailed by 10 with about five minutes remaining in the fourth quarter, rather than going for it on fourth and 12 (they failed).

Who had the concussion, the quarterback or the coach?

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You think Shockey’s paranoid? Check out Warren Sapp.

The Philadelphia Inquirer reported a bizarre episode involving the Tampa Bay defensive tackle several hours before the Eagles played host to the Buccaneers on Monday. According to the story, Sapp went to lunch with six friends, among them Portland Trail Blazer Rasheed Wallace, at a local restaurant.

After bringing the appetizers, the waitress noticed everyone traded plates. Sapp did the same thing at another Philadelphia hangout before a game in January, at the time announcing he was concerned an Eagle fan in the kitchen might have spit in his food.

Remembering that story, the waitress Monday good-naturedly asked Sapp, “Would you like me to switch them, or would you like to switch them after I leave?” She joked that she could understand why he might want to swap plates.

That was enough for Sapp, who refused to eat and glowered at the waitress. She tearfully retired to the kitchen. Sapp soon left for a nearby steakhouse -- but only after his buddies had gobbled down their lunches without flinching.

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Don’t hold your breath for the NFL Players Assn. to take the side of Ohio State sophomore running back Maurice Clarett in possibly testing the league’s draft-eligibility rules.

I called the NFLPA regarding the issue this week, in hopes of getting Executive Director Gene Upshaw’s views. An NFLPA spokesman first asked me to put my questions in writing, which I did, then told me Upshaw wasn’t discussing the matter. The union tends to side with the league on such things.

Clarett, suspended for the season by Ohio State for receiving extra benefits and for lying to investigators, might challenge the NFL’s eligibility rules in court if he doesn’t transfer to a lower-division school. As it stands, he will not be eligible for the NFL draft until spring of 2005.

The NFL has the strictest eligibility rules of the four major pro sports and says that a player must be three years out of high school before he can make himself available for the draft. In the NHL and NBA, players are draft-eligible when they turn 18. Major League Baseball includes high school graduates in the first-year player draft.

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The NFL and Major League Baseball will be honored by the National Building Museum in Washington next week. The leagues will share the 2003 Honor Award in recognition of the “important and positive role” that new facilities have on communities around the country. Since 1992, there have been 22 NFL stadiums constructed or significantly renovated.

At least one team owner, the Giants’ Wellington Mara, doesn’t envision stadium No. 23 popping up in L.A. anytime soon.

“To my knowledge, no one has ever come before the league with a real well developed, detailed plan,” Mara said, referring to an L.A. stadium solution. “That’s why they lost out to Houston. The other thing is, there’s so much else to do in Los Angeles, and the last three teams that were there all had to leave. That makes you wonder whether there’s a big enough fan base.”

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The league’s television numbers continue to climb. Ratings for NFL kickoff weekend games ranked No. 1 against all programming for the week in 28 of the 30 NFL home markets. That set an opening-weekend record and tied the NFL’s all-time record of most home market No. 1s in a single weekend. A year ago, games on kickoff weekend were first in 22 NFL home markets.

The league also set a paid attendance record last week when 1,095,720 fans bought tickets to 16 games. The previous high mark was 1,081,206, set Sept. 15-16 last fall.

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Obscure statistic of the week: New Orleans beat Tampa Bay twice last season, yet failed to reach the playoffs. That makes the Saints only the second team in league history to fall short of postseason play despite having swept the eventual Super Bowl champion. The Washington Redskins did so in 1995, after sweeping Dallas.

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Pittsburgh linebacker Joey Porter, sidelined while recovering from a gunshot wound in the left buttock, was infuriated last week when all-pro Baltimore linebacker Ray Lewis stopped running back Amos Zereoue for no gain then lifted his right leg in celebration -- Porter’s trademark move after a big play.

After the game, a 34-15 Steeler victory, Porter went on a rant about Lewis that was both rambling and scathing.

“I always said he was a good football player,” Porter told reporters. “Today, I put the spy camera on him. He didn’t do [anything]. He had one tackle and he’s missing all kinds of tackles.

“All he did was jump on the pile after someone else made a tackle, acting like he did it.”

But when Lewis celebrated with “the boot,” Porter’s move, that sent the injured Steeler linebacker over the top.

“I’m still recovering from a bullet wound and you’re imitating me? Where’s the character in that? He got exactly what he was looking for -- a beating.”

Porter said he was supportive of Lewis when the Raven linebacker was arrested in connection with a double murder in Atlanta after the Super Bowl in 2000. Lewis ended up pleading guilty to a misdemeanor of obstructing a police investigation and agreed to testify against two friends who were charged with the crime.

“He went through some things,” Porter said. “I didn’t say it to him. I could have played with him being hurt and going through the life stuff he was going through. I could have said, ‘Watch out, ref, he’s got a knife!’ ”

When told of Porter’s diatribe, Lewis said, “Why would I argue with Joey Porter? He’s done nothing in this league.”

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If Tampa Bay can hold Carolina scoreless Sunday, the Buccaneers will join the Cardinals and Steelers as the only teams to post three consecutive shutouts in the regular season. The Cardinals did it in 1970, and the Steelers did it twice, in 1976 and 1976-77. The Buccaneers, who shut out the Eagles in the opener, finished the 2002 regular season with a 17-0 victory over Chicago.