Browns Are the Cackling Dummies

It turns out Dwayne Rudd wasn’t the NFL’s biggest dunce of 2002 for costing his team a victory by prematurely spiking his helmet.

He was just another Cleveland Brown.

Not the sharpest dawgs in the pound, these Browns. As they prepared last week for their big rivalry game against the Baltimore Ravens, a.k.a. the former Cleveland Browns, they not only trash-talked their way into a 33-13 loss, they turned Baltimore running back Jamal Lewis into a monstrous, record-breaking mutation of Babe Ruth crossed with Joe Namath gene-spliced with Jim Brown.

Brown linebacker Andra Davis started it all during a taunting midweek phone conversation with Lewis, saying he hoped the Raven back would carry the ball 30 times Sunday. Davis was looking forward to the tackling-dummy workout 30 cracks at Lewis would provide.

Give me 30 carries, Lewis countered, and I’ll break the league’s single-game rushing record.

This caused much hilarity in the Brown locker room. Cleveland safety Earl Little couldn’t contain himself, couldn’t help himself, adding fuel to the bulletin board with this 10-second dismissal of Lewis:

“He’s not as great as he thinks he is. He’s a good back, but he’s no Edgerrin James, he’s no Ricky Williams and he’s definitely no Priest Holmes.”

By the end of Sunday’s game in Baltimore, Corey Dillon was no longer the NFL’s single-game rushing leader.

Lewis got his 30 carries.

With them, he averaged 9.8 yards a touch.

Afternoon’s total: 295 yards -- 17 more than Dillon’s record of 278, set in 2000 against the Denver Broncos.

Lewis would have broken the 300-yard mark, but Raven wide receiver Marcus Robinson was flagged for holding while Lewis was completing a 60-yard touchdown run in the second quarter. The penalty wiped out the score; Lewis was credited with 48 yards on the play.

The city of Baltimore has become something of an accidental treasury of great called shots. Native son Babe Ruth called his against the Chicago Cubs in the 1932 World Series, or so the legend goes. Namath delivered his at the expense of the hometown Colts in Super Bowl III.

Had Lewis just added another to the pantheon?

Sheepishly, Lewis backed off on the exact details of his prediction after Sunday’s final gun, telling reporters that he had promised a “career day” if handed the ball 30 times against the Browns.

You could call it that. Or you could call it smart football. Or you could call it the only choice the Ravens really had.

Fact: Baltimore has the greenest collection of quarterbacks in the league, rookie Kyle Boller starting with Chris Redman backing him up.

Fact: Baltimore lost its opener to Pittsburgh, 34-15, with Lewis carrying the ball only 15 times.

Brian Billick didn’t have to spend a week in the film room before it dawned on him -- hey, why not double Jamal’s carries and let’s see what happens?

For the record, the Ravens received only seven completions for 78 yards from Boller -- and still beat a 2002 playoff team by 20 points.

Are brain cramps contagious? The San Francisco 49ers have to wonder after watching one of their own, Cedric Wilson, run his way out of apparent victory and into, who knows, maybe a tryout with the Cleveland Browns.

The 49ers had just tied the Rams in the final seconds in St. Louis. Then, they pinged the on-side kick off the body of a Ram. Then they recovered. Then Jeff Garcia hit Wilson for a 20-yard completion.

So far, so good.

Wilson had the 49ers in field-goal range, and San Francisco had a timeout remaining, but he refused to hit the turf. The clock was ticking: five seconds ... four ... three ...

Wilson kept running. The Rams, who couldn’t believe their good fortune, surrounded the receiver but allowed him to keep his feet until the clock had expired.

Instead of lining up for a potential winning field goal, the 49ers were lining up for the overtime coin toss, which they lost.

Minutes later, Wilson and his steaming teammates watched as Jeff Wilkins converted a 28-yard field goal for a 27-24 St. Louis victory.

Are brain cramps contagious? Further evidence was unearthed in Oakland, where Cincinnati cornerback Jeff Burris was penalized for interfering with Raider receiver Jerry Rice at the Bengal 22-yard line with 23 seconds left in a tied game. This was minutes after Cincinnati quarterback Jon Kitna dutifully checked in with his Dumb Pass of the Week, a quick, short slant deep in Raider territory that was intercepted by Phillip Buchanon and returned for a quick, long Oakland touchdown.

Burris’ penalty enabled the Raiders, who had spent most of the day on the verge of 0-2, to stagger into field-goal range. Sebastian Janikowski connects from 39 yards, Raiders scrape to .500 with a 23-20 victory.

For those who hoped NFL parity had bottomed out with 2002’s insane scramble, a sobering statistic: If Bill Parcells’ Dallas Cowboys defeat his old New York Giants tonight, the NFC, two weeks into the season, will be down to four unbeaten teams. And they are:

* The Carolina Panthers, the best kick-blocking team in the league. Sunday in Tampa, the Panthers blocked two field goals and an extra-point try -- the latter coming with no time on the clock -- in a 12-9 overtime upset of the Super Bowl champion Tampa Bay Buccaneers.

* The Minnesota Vikings, who parlayed opportunistic defense and good scheduling into a 24-13 home triumph over the Chicago Bears.

* The Washington Redskins, who know how to pick their spots. Had their schedule been flip-flopped, the Redskins would have played the New York Jets and the Atlanta Falcons in December -- meaning Chad Pennington and Michael Vick in back-to-back weeks. Instead, they get Vinny Testaverde followed by Doug Johnson in September and squeak by both -- 33-31 over Johnson and the Falcons.

* The Seattle Seahawks, who pounded the Arizona Cardinals, 38-0. This result was hardly surprising, except that Emmitt Smith, supposed wizened veteran, was involved. Smith signed, voluntarily, with the Cardinals during the off-season, which kept him in line with Sunday’s theme throughout the NFL.

What on earth was he thinking?