The ‘Saunter Award’ Is More Like It

It was awards time at the end of a weeklong basketball camp, and one 10-year-old walked slowly to the front of the class to accept his honor at Cal State Long Beach. Very slowly -- you know how athletes are these days. But in this case, his coach couldn’t accept the slowpoke’s attitude.

“Come on,” the coach hissed, “it’s the Hustle Award!”

Underground honors? A television promo for “Joey,” the spinoff of “Friends,” shows star Matt LeBlanc on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, which he declares is “where all the famous people are buried.” In the spot, LeBlanc’s not-so-bright character is surprised to come across the star of actor Jack Nicholson, remarking, “I didn’t even know he was sick.”

Some tourists might be surprised too. One of the most frequently asked questions of the Hollywood Chamber of Commerce is: “Are people buried under their stars?” Some have even asked if the stars are buried upright.

Actually, when you think about it, the chamber could raise some money by offering a burial spot under the star for a few thousand bucks more than the $15,000 it charges for the sidewalk plaque.

“I think some stars would go for it,” Michael Kellerman of Hollywood Fantasy Tours once told me. “After all, it has more visibility than a cemetery.”

Speaking of outdoor displays: M.J. Durand of Pacific Palisades noticed a plumbing business with an eye-catching showplace (see photo).

Sometimes the news is just too hard to swallow: The police log of the Laguna Niguel News said: “A woman reported someone took her purse that contained her teeth.”

More to chew on: No sooner did I publish a photo of a More Joy Auto Repair Shop than Stan Schwarz of Pasadena sent me a shot of a dental office that also bore an unlikely name (see photo).

Way with words (cont.): After placing an order for classical music, Art Detman Jr. of Pacific Palisades received a reply that was anything but classical English (see accompanying).

People with too much time on their hands: The Seal Beach Sun’s crime log said that at 1 in the afternoon, “a caller reported children playing loudly in a pool at a school.” The caller told police that his lawyer told him to call them “if it got too loud.”

miscelLAny: Frank Lavac of Malibu spotted an ad for canine goggles (see accompanying) and commented, “First, I’m not sure why dogs need goggles. Second, note the ‘corrective lenses’ reference. Do they really have a reading chart for dogs?”

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Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LATIMES, Ext. 77083, by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, 202 W. 1st St., L.A. 90012, and by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com.