A Star Show That Blurs Lines of Sport

The defining moment of the NBA’s defining game occurred at the end of the first quarter Sunday, when legend met legend, future met past, tissues met eyes.

Kelly Clarkson, wearing baggy torn jeans and a tight Dallas Maverick jersey, strolled across Staples Center court while singing “Happy Birthday” to 70-year-old Bill Russell.

As the pop star gently approached, the Hall of Famer gave her a look that can be described in only two words.

“What the ... ?”

Welcome to the 53rd All-Star Game, where Baron Davis hit Ruben Studdard with a pass, and Shaquille O’Neal smothered Ruben Studdard with his belly, and the dude still didn’t get the message.

Welcome to pro basketball’s midseason crass-ic, where Beyonce went to the trouble of floating to the floor from the cheap seats -- where were the redcoats? -- for a few halftime minutes of lip-synching and shaking her most publicized feature.

Her show was witnessed a couple of rows above me by Rick Carlisle, who also happened to be the East coach, which maybe explains why his team was outscored by 10 points in the second half.

“Well, our players wanted to see Michael McDonald and Beyonce, and I couldn’t blame them, so we made our halftime meeting brief,” said Carlisle, who didn’t divulge the contents of his halftime speech that undoubtedly included the words, “Booty call!”

The final score was 136-132, the West won, two facts that will be forgotten by Wednesday, so meaningless they were.

To nobody’s surprise, this was not a basketball game, it was a sweaty cross between MTV, SAG and the NBA in front of a crowd that was DOA.

“In America, it seems sport is the same as show business,” Utah’s wide-eyed Andrei Kirilenko said. “This was more like a party than a game.”

Shaquille O’Neal was the most valuable player, which really should have been named “best actor,” for he created the most smiles while Tim Duncan was the one who actually won the thing with a game-high 13 rebounds and the winning shot.

“I think that people aren’t really aware of how good-natured he really is a lot of times,” said West Coach Flip Saunders of O’Neal. “It’s a pleasure to be around him.”

In other words, O’Neal clinched the award after O’Neal grabbed a courtside camera and pretended to comb his nonexistent hair in front of it after making a layup in the third quarter.

“I just wanted to have fun,” said O’Neal, whose game-high 24 points not coincidentally came after he watched starter Yao Ming begin the game with six quick ones.

Not that either man, or any of the players, were given loud ovations from a corporate crowd that included only a couple of thousand basketball fans.

The suits offered only average cheers for the hometown guys, virtually no jeers for those hated Sacramento Kings, and only one true boo.

You ready for this? They booed only when Kobe Bryant, alone at the basket on a fastbreak, chose a fundamental layup instead of a roaring dunk. Yeah, the same Kobe Bryant who is still nursing an injured shoulder.

And he thinks I’m hard on him?

“It was controlled chaos out there,” offered Saunders. “It was a show.”

Despite moments of hard play on both sides, the only people who seemed truly engaged were Star Jones and the fellow who dropped to his knees and proposed to her during a timeout. The daytime TV actress -- she is a daytime TV actress, right? -- said yes, and here’s hoping Kobe and Shaq were watching.

Who knows, maybe the entire evening was part of a reality show, or at least another Paris Hilton video.

During Staples Center’s trademark kiss-cam segment, Hilton was shown on the big screen sitting next to singer Nick Carter, so of course they smooched, and two seats away Bill Russell got another one of those looks.

Then there was the time when the memory of Chick Hearn brushed up against the infamous Super Bowl halftime bare-breasted song, and wasn’t that a treat.

Early in the fourth quarter, midcourt dancers gyrated to a Justin Timberlake recording that closed with, “Gonna have you naked by the end of this song.”

During the Super Bowl halftime show, this was the point when Timberlake yanked off Janet Jackson’s whatever-it-was and exposed her you-know-what.

On Sunday, this was the point when Lawrence Tanter nobly announced a moment of remembrance for the great Chick Hearn.

There was barely a cheer in the house, but, by then, it was obvious that the zombies had little use for anyone not named Chris Tucker.

The day began with Bryant’s leaving himself open to more criticism by showing up late and missing the red-carpet walk and team photo.

It ended with common wisdom’s being, hey, he was the smart one.

“Can you dig it?” shouted O’Neal from center court afterward, holding up the MVP trophy to the backs of those scurrying for limousines and parties.

When proffered several Junes ago, this question elicited the roar of thousands.

Asked on Sunday night, it was greeted with barely a murmur from a crowd that finally got it right.

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Bill Plaschke can be reached at bill.plaschke@latimes.com. To read his previous columns, go to latimes.com/plaschke.

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(BEGIN TEXT OF INFOBOX)

NBA All-Star Game Records

Individual records:

CAREER

* Games played -- 18, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Milwaukee-LAKERS

* Minutes played -- 449, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Milwaukee-LAKERS

* Points -- 262, Michael Jordan, Chicago-Washington.

* Scoring average -- 20.8, Kobe Bryant (125 points-6 games).

* Field goals made -- 110, Michael Jordan, Chicago-Washington.

* Field goals attempted -- 233, Michael Jordan, Chicago-Washington.

* Free throws made -- 78, Elgin Baylor, Minneapolis/LAKERS

* Free throws attempted -- 98, Elgin Baylor, Minneapolis/LAKERS and Oscar Robertson, Cincinnati-Milwaukee.

* Rebounds -- 197, Wilt Chamberlain, Philadelphia/San Francisco Warriors-Philadelphia 76ers-LAKERS

* Assists -- 127, Magic Johnson, LAKERS

* Steals -- 37, Michael Jordan, Chicago-Washington.

* Blocked shots -- 31, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Milwaukee-LAKERS

* Personal fouls -- 57, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Milwaukee-LAKERS

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GAME

* Points -- 42, Wilt Chamberlain, Philadelphia Warriors, 1962.

* Field goals made -- 17, Wilt Chamberlain, Philadelphia Warriors, 1962; Michael Jordan, Chicago, 1988; and Kevin Garnett, Minnesota, 2003 (2OT).

* Field goals attempted -- 27, Rick Barry, San Francisco, 1967; and Michael Jordan, Washington 2003 (2OT).

* Free throws made -- 12, Elgin Baylor, LAKERS, 1962; and Oscar Robertson, Cincinnati, 1965.

* Free throws attempted -- 16, Wilt Chamberlain, Philadelphia Warriors, 1962.

* Rebounds -- 27, Bob Pettit, St. Louis, 1962.

* Assists -- 22, Magic Johnson, LAKERS, 1984 (OT); 19, Magic Johnson, LAKERS, 1988.

* Steals -- 8, Rick Barry, Golden State, 1975.

* Blocked shots -- 6, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, LAKERS, 1980 (OT); 5, Patrick Ewing, New York, 1990; and Hakeem Olajuwon, Houston, 1994.