This Victory Was in the Bag Before Game Even Started

It’s not bad enough that I don’t get paid enough to write Page 2 and have to spend a week in Detroit, but now I’ve got to work overtime to keep the Lakers from becoming one of the biggest disappointments in sports in recent memory.

At least Kobe Bryant didn’t keep me waiting.

As promised, I reported to Staples Center early Tuesday to work on Bryant’s jump shot in preparation for Game 2, and he was already on the court.

“Come on, you don’t expect me to hit every shot, do you?” Bryant said with some exasperation, and I figured that if he thinks he can hit every shot, and sometimes take every shot, I could certainly expect something a lot better than 10-for-27 in Game 1.

Bryant shook his head in disbelief, so I called Ahmad Rashad over. I guess Michael Jordan didn’t need his car washed and had given Rashad the night off.

I told Rashad to tell Bryant what Jordan would have said. “He would have said he’d make every shot,” Rashad said, and nothing irritates Bryant more than to hear Jordan’s name in relation to his own game, other than the suggestion that the daughter, who married the Grocery Store Bagger, can shoot better than he can.

The last time I mentioned that before a game, he took it as a challenge, and set the NBA record for successful three-pointers in a game.

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THAT’S WHY I pulled out all the stops for Game 2, spending $260 to bring the daughter and the Grocery Store Bagger to heckle Bryant. The Bagger thought I suddenly had taken a liking to him, but somebody had to get the daughter refreshments while she stayed in her seat making faces at Bryant.

Fourth quarter, and ABC puts a graphic on the screen indicating Bryant is four for 28 from three-point range in the fourth quarter in the playoffs, but no mention that the daughter who inspires him to greatness is making her first appearance in the playoffs. Bryant should be paying for her tickets, maybe even flying her to Detroit.

The Lakers need a three, the ball goes to Kobe, and just as we had worked on it before the game and she would have shot it, he hit it to send the game into overtime and probably win an NBA championship.

“You still going to ride me [in the paper]?” Bryant asked as he left, and I told him I’d be there before Thursday’s game in Detroit -- after all, he hit only one of five three-point attempts. Nothing to get too excited about.

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IF SOME of Bryant’s teammates were upset because he fired up 27 shots in Game 1, I wonder what they have to say now after he fired up another 27 shots in Game 2?

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NOW MIGHT be a good time for Luke Walton to give Britney Spears a call.

And what does Bill Walton have to say? “I’m a proud dad.” I would be, too, if I had a son and he could get Britney’s attention.

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ON DAN PATRICK’S morning radio show on 710, ABC’s Mike Tirico told him that he had a one-on-one interview with Phil Jackson before the first playoff game with the Pistons, and Jackson, in talking about Coach Larry Brown, said, “He’s a Virgo, very exacting in detail ... “

Jackson, like Brown, is also a Virgo, which explains his own attention to detail and knowing Brown’s sign, but I wondered, if like most men, he had asked Jeanie Buss what sign she was.

“First night,” she said, before he told her, “what pretty brown eyes you have.”

I asked Buss if Jackson had taken the time to learn the sign of Page 2.

Linda Rambis, Kurt’s wife, interrupted. “Does the devil have a sign?”

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TRAINER BOB BAFFERT couldn’t get a horse into the Kentucky Derby, but he got prime seats behind the Laker bench. Too bad Smarty Jones didn’t win the Belmont -- knowing TV’s giddy desire to fill the screen with celebrities, I suspect Smarty would have had Baffert’s seat.

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WHEN NBA.COM asked Sparks’ center Lisa Leslie which is a better rivalry -- the Pistons-Lakers, or the Shock-Sparks -- she said, “I would say Shock and Sparks at this point.” Every time it comes to a credibility check, the WNBA fails.

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RIC BUCHER from ESPN the Magazine, searching for something that might push the Lakers over the Pistons, came to the conclusion that “[Devean] George must score more.” Sure, and the presidents on Mt. Rushmore should smile more.

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I WAS at Dodger Stadium a year ago hanging out with Sharon Stone when, as I remember it, a breathless Al Michaels introduced himself to her. I could tell how much it bothered him that she was too busy with me to listen to his fish stories about his great golf game. So I wasn’t surprised when she showed up at the Laker game, prompting Michaels to make like a Page 2 columnist -- knowing how much she likes Page 2 columnists -- telling a national TV audience that her hairdo brought to mind Ben Wallace. From my seat in Staples, I noticed Stone kept making calls on her cell phone; I didn’t realize until later I had forgot to turn mine on.

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SANDWICHED BETWEEN Anita Baker, who will sing “The Star-Spangled Banner” before Game 3 in Detroit and Aretha Franklin in Game 5, will be Kid Rock, the punk who has promised to rip the sunglasses off Jack Nicholson. I’m sure like most Piston fans, he’ll wear his best T-shirt to the game.

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TODAY’S LAST word comes in e-mail from Joe Choma:

“You can call Kid Rock a punk, but he’s proud. He’s proud of Detroit, he’s proud to be from Detroit. We might have a rusted image throughout the country but we are one hell of a sports town. We love and support our teams.”

What else are you going to do there?

T.J. Simers can be reached at t.j.simers@latimes.com. To read previous columns by Simers, go to latimes.com/simers.