Do You Yahoo? They Do, and They’ve Got E-Mail

A Dodger victory Saturday has to be considered great news for the poor yahoos living in Minnesota who watched the Lakers toy with their heroes, because if the Choking Dogs can win a game, that makes it entirely possible the Timberwolves could get lucky too.

Alex Cora had a home run and a triple Saturday. In the same game! That goes to show you that a guy like Fred Hoiberg, for example, could also close his eyes and shock the Lakers.

It’s already a foregone conclusion, of course, that the Lakers are going to advance to the NBA Finals. And although I’ve predicted that our regular-season slackers will be sweeping aside the West’s regular-season chumps in four straight, I wouldn’t be opposed to the Timberwolves’ getting a fluke win today if it’d help lift the spirits of Minnesota’s woebegone.

In the last 48 hours, almost a thousand of these unhappy mopes have e-mailed to defend life on an iceberg for much of the year. Right away, though, you could tell how isolated they must be: “Our cheerleaders,” wrote Dan Forsythe, “are actually real good-looking women.”

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A NUMBER of these astute Minnesota e-mailers also apparently got all worked up by my reference to one of their backslapping Minnesota sportswriters, whom I referred to as “Sid Homer.”

Andrew Johnson e-mailed to say: “Let’s get things straight. First, our sportswriter is Sid Hartman. How in the world do you get Homer? Some research you did.”

Brandon Moore e-mailed to say: “It’s unfortunate that you don’t read any better than you write. The fabled columnist’s name is Sid Hartman. I’m not sure who the heck ‘Sid Homer’ might be.”

Koray J. Bulut e-mailed to say: “Basic high school student journalists would have been able to Google search and find out the sportswriter is Sid Hartman, not Sid Homer.”

Then I get this from John Bergeson: “You likely do not put much stock in a good education, but Minnesota schools rank near the top every year in high school testing.”

I’ll have to take your word for that.

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MAYBE WE got off on the wrong foot; sometimes that happens even around here, although the people I have the most trouble with seem to be hockey fans. Now I think I know where they were living before they moved here.

Anyway, the other day I wrote this straightforward column based on fact -- you know, the Lakers are superior to the Timberwolves -- with the obvious intent of making life easier for those wretched souls sentenced to life in the hinterland so they’d know what’s coming, maybe giving them time to can more food for the winter.

Surprisingly, many of them, apparently ungrateful for the heads up, responded with obscenities, comments on my Times website biography (thank heavens it doesn’t mention the Grocery Store Bagger), a boast that they have Sparky the Seal and we do not, and a reminder that Arnold Schwarzenegger is governor of California. I had no idea people could be so mean.

Some were complimentary, though: “That may have been the most asinine column I’ve ever read,” wrote Scott Ronglien.

And some agreed with me: “Your article [seemed to be written] by a 13-year-old boy who was trying to insult the popular boy at school of whom he was jealous because the popular boy got all the girls,” said Jody Hansen. “Although I must agree with your views on Nebraska.”

Some tried to be helpful: “You didn’t mention that Dick Clark’s wife is from Minnesota,” said Jill Marie Martin. Yeah, old what’s her name -- probably the state’s most famous celebrity.

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IT’S ALWAYS interesting to hear what folks from around the country have to say when reminded they have no chance to get on “The Price Is Right,” or attend a championship parade.

“Where’s your NFL team?” wrote Cody Voges, and I suppose I could’ve been mean and said, “The last time I saw your team on TV, which is how we like our NFL teams, it was losing to Arizona and knocking itself out of the playoffs,” but why add to their misery? I’m sure one day the Vikings will win a Super Bowl; they’ve played only 38 of them so far.

Some, like e-mailer Loel Schrader, even tried to pull my leg: “Speaking of mistakes, [Times Sports Editor Bill] Dwyre told me you were clever.” Now even you folks around here know better than that -- what are the chances Dwyre would take time away from his golf game to say anything nice about Page 2?

The only e-mailer, though, to raise a good point also referred to Dwyre: “Never before have I read such rambling nonsense,” wrote Dale Heide. “If your editor considers that drivel even remotely printable, he should turn in his resignation.”

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EVERY ONCE in a while I give you letters, reminding you that “these people live among you.” But for those folks who suggest I never have anything good to say, let me tell you this: These people do not live among you.

“Your ignorance amazes me,” e-mailed Mike Dinnen. (Now at this point, he could live among you, and be a regular Page 2 reader.) “Next time you should research what you’re writing and then you won’t sound like some uneducated moron.” (He could even be a UCLA graduate.) “Good luck with life, because ignorance is bliss, but then I suppose someone from Minnesota doesn’t need to tell you that.”

I tried responding to as many of these Minnesota e-mails as I could, then the first game was played, and I never heard another word from the hinterland.

Not one single “thank you” for tipping them off about what was going to happen. Sometimes I wonder if I should even bother.

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T.J. Simers can be reached at t.j.simers@latimes.com. To read previous columns by Simers, go to latimes.com/simers.