You Can Excuse the Lakers for Being a Bit Distracted

Mary Carey, the porn actress who ran for California governor only to lose to another actor, sat in the row directly behind the Laker bench Tuesday night holding up signs with encouraging messages for each of the guys.

For some reason the Lakers couldn’t seem to make a shot.

I noticed she was there, of course, because I’m paid to be observant.

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IT’D BE wrong, of course, to say Carey probably had a better outside shot, as someone suggested, than some of these Lakers -- because when it came time for her to throw up a prayer, she fell 4,147,133 votes shy of Arnold.

I’d like to think she was just a one-night distraction -- I wonder who gave her a seat directly behind the Laker bench -- allowing Milwaukee to hang tough with the Lakers to the end.

If not, we have a problem in Lakerland, and Rudy T. might have to start holding up signs imploring Caron Butler, Chucky Atkins and Lamar Odom not to shoot, or check with Carey, who had an eight-point plan to rescue California, and see what she has in mind to save the Lakers.

Butler and Atkins were a combined five for 17 through three quarters, getting a boost from Odom, who moved inside for one of his better efforts, making eight of 12.

The Lakers came into the game ranked 11th in the league in field-goal percentage, which sounds good until you watch Butler & Co. throw up the ball from outside. I’d also point out that Devean George has yet to attempt a shot.

But giving these guys the benefit of the doubt, maybe I just caught them on a bad night. Or the night Carey showed up.

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NEWS THAT the fan in Detroit who allegedly threw the cup at Ron Artest had a criminal record was met with surprise by some. I’d be surprised to learn that anyone in Detroit doesn’t have a criminal record.

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RUDY T. said he doesn’t read the newspaper, and admitted, as a result, sometimes he doesn’t know what’s going on in the world. Asked whether he had heard about Artest, he said, “I heard he’s got a good CD out.”

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ARTEST APPEARED on the “Today” show wearing a T-shirt and hat sporting the logo of his record label. If he felt any remorse, I’d imagine it’s because he was able to hold up his new CD only three times.

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WHEN THE Lakers told Vlade Divac they were going to put him in uniform for the game with the Bucks, Divac said, “Thank God. I was running out of clothes.”

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IN PREVIEWING Monday night’s Chief-Patriot game, bossports.net’s Bob George wrote: “My distinguished Patsfan.com colleague, Ian Logue, called [Adam Vinatieri’s short missed field goal in 1999 against the Chiefs] the most fortuitous field goal miss in team history, because had Vinatieri made the field goal, Pete Carroll might still be the head coach of the Patriots.”

The Patriots, 4-0 at the time, lost on the missed field goal and were 4-7 the remainder of the season, which led to Carroll’s being fired and Bill Belichick’s hiring. The rest, they say, is UCLA’s worst nightmare.

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AP’S JOHN NADEL pointed out in a recent story that the Trojans were 37-35 from 1996 to 2001 and 33-3 since then. So I asked Uncle Pete -- we’re Trojan family, as you know -- if he has tried walking on water recently and he laughed as if it wasn’t a serious question.

So far, Uncle Pete has done the impossible, not only making a USC fan out of me, but figuring out how to really take one game at a time and make today’s athletes think it’s the biggest contest they’ll ever play -- avoiding the upset.

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QUARTERBACK MATT LEINART met the media wearing an Eric Gagne jersey. He’d like to meet Gagne, he said, because he’s a huge Dodger fan.

When I suggested that Leinart, who grew up and went to school in Orange County, probably just became a huge Dodger fan, he said, “I’ve always been a huge Dodgers’ fan.”

It might’ve been different had they been the Los Angeles Angels.

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NEW DODGER broadcaster Charley Steiner told the media, “If you’re a mathematician, you want to work with Einstein. If you’re a musician, you want to work with Dylan. If you’re a play-by-play announcer, you want to work with Vin Scully.”

I guess the Dodgers didn’t tell Steiner that Scully works alone.

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THERE WERE reports Steiner was on his way out as Yankee announcer, and upon his departure, New York Post columnist Phil Mushnick wrote: “Steiner’s a nice guy, but a poor baseball play-by-player. That the Yanks, and now the Dodgers -- storied franchises -- would choose him to call their games is incredible.”

Speaking for Ross Porter, I think we all concur.

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THE RED Sox have the highest ticket prices in baseball, and now they intend to jump prices by 7%. I bring this up because the Boston Parking Lot Attendant has made it clear he’s going to model the Dodgers after the Red Sox.

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TRAVELOCITY IS running a poll asking folks where Artest might spend his time now that he won’t be playing basketball. Some of Travelocity’s suggestions are sending him to Knockemstiff (Ohio), Solitude (Indiana) or Purgatory (Colorado).

My favorite: Ding Dong (Texas).

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TODAY’S LAST word comes in e-mail from Jeff Powers:

“Your hatred for the Chargers and inability to recognize an organization on its way to turning the corner are both pathetic. I would rather peel my fingernails off with a pair of pliers than have to read another one of your awfully shortsighted columns.”

I’d just turn the page, but you seem to need them, so I’ve sent you the pliers.

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T.J. Simers can be reached at t.j.simers@latimes.com. To read previous columns by Simers, go to latimes.com/simers.