Imagine a Burger King Without Burgers, a Pizza-Less Pizza Hut

“While I was waiting for my food at a Wienerschnitzel stand in San Gabriel,” wrote David Prechtl of La Verne, “a car pulled up and two gentlemen with obvious German accents got out.

“While looking at the menu with quizzical looks, one man asked the clerk at the window, ‘Where is the schnitzel?’ ”

Let us pause here to interject that the recipe for schnitzel calls for veal, eggs, flour and breadcrumbs fried in oil or lard.

Now back to the drama.

“The clerk, obviously not understanding what the visitor meant, responded, ‘Only hot dogs and hamburgers,’ ” Prechtl said.

“Still perplexed as to why a business titled Wienerschnitzel wouldn’t have schnitzel, they ordered two hot dogs, got in their car and drove off.”

The icing on the schnitzel: The above visitors would have been more mystified if the Wienerschnitzel people hadn’t removed the “Der” from the original name some years ago. Das Wienerschnitzel is the grammatically correct term.

Like parent, like child?: Evelyn Hill of Malibu saw a tutor-wanted ad placed by a couple understandably worried that their children might grow up to be bad spellers too (see accompanying).

Unclear on the concept: Val Tonione noticed a business in the San Fernando Valley that was offering some pretty expensive free food (see photo).

Actually, the business was a used car dealership. The food was free, the cars weren’t.

Old dependables: Dan Fink of L.A. sent along a flier he received that sounded like something out of a war movie -- one where the enemy’s battle plan is captured beforehand (see accompanying). I wonder if the return of the termites, like that of the swallows to San Juan Capistrano, will become a yearly tradition.

Not so elegant behavior: The crime log of Orange County’s Canyon Life newspaper listed this incident:

“Disturbance, 12:55 p.m. Las Flores: Two women got into a physical fight at Elegante Beauty Salon.”

miscelLAny: If you’re one of those airline passengers who dumps his change into the tray at the security checkpoint and then doesn’t bother to retrieve the pennies, you’re helping to reduce the national debt. Little by little.

“A penny here, a nickel there -- it mounts up,” said Nico Melendez of the Transportation Security Administration.

In the first four months of this year, for example, passengers left behind $708.45 in loose change at John Wayne Airport.

It was handed over to the Treasury Department, which regrets that it can’t send out thank-you notes.

Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LATIMES, Ext. 77083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, 202 W. 1st St., L.A. 90012, and by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com.