Dawkins Serves Up Slam Dunk of Quotes

For teenagers, Chocolate Thunder probably sounds like an exotic candy bar or some concoction at an ice cream shop.

But the nickname has a different meaning for those in the 40-something-and-up range. Who else could it be but Darryl Dawkins, the cape wearing, backboard shattering human dunk machine.

GQ magazine writer Jason Gay, attempting to “revive” his love of the NBA, recently caught up with Dawkins, now coaching the Pennsylvania ValleyDawgs of the United States Basketball League. He apparently hasn’t changed, still ranking as a veritable quote machine.

Here are a couple of tidbits:

On his toughest matchup: “Bob Lanier. Left-handed, lazy eye, size-22 shoe, 7 feet, 300-something pounds.”

The easiest: “Mel Turpin. Anytime you saw Melvin Turpin, you knew all you had to do was run up and down the floor 10 times fast because he’d just left Burger King.”

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Trivia time: Who is the only person to have won an Olympic gold medal and played on a winning Super Bowl team?

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All T.O., all day: Fox NFL analysts Jimmy Johnson, Terry Bradshaw and Howie Long went back and forth Sunday about the Eagles’ suspended wide receiver, Terrell Owens.

Johnson said he was tired of talking about “this selfish troublemaker.”

Of course, they went on to talk some more about Owens.

Bradshaw: “You would take him back in a heartbeat and play him if you thought he would win you a football game. Am I right?”

Johnson: “Only if we were in the playoff hunt! Hey, he’s using us, so we’ll use him.”

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T.O. Part II: San Francisco Chronicle columnist Scott Ostler, on the massive guy in Owens’ entourage at his meeting with the media:

“He wasn’t visible in all the TV shots of the Terrell Owens-Drew Rosenhaus press conference, but a huge, hulking bodyguard stood next to the two superstars. Who can blame T.O. for hiring some muscle? He could have been torn apart by that snarling pack of foam-lipped pencil-necks.”

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Gator power: Golfer Greg Norman looked outside of his sport for a long-term business role model and found it in a famous French tennis player, Rene Lacoste.

“Not many people know him for what he was -- a good tennis player, not a great tennis player,” Norman told Business Week magazine. “But he created a brand that lives on.”

Selectivity is important, too.

“I could have endorsed car washes and underwear, but things like that don’t build up your brand.”

Yeah, Shark for Fruit of the Loom just doesn’t have that ring.

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Trivia answer: Bob Hayes. Hayes won the gold in the 100 meters at the 1964 Tokyo Olympics, and also ran the anchor leg on the winning 400-meter relay team. He got his Super Bowl ring with the 1971 Dallas Cowboys.

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And finally: Mike Ditka, speaking on ESPN’s “Sunday NFL Countdown” about Randy Moss: “You’ve got to say one thing about the guy, he’s consistent. He hits everybody the same. I want to say one thing: When a man is all wrapped up in himself, he makes a very small package. Remember that.”