You Want His Advice, Story of Drew Is a Broken Record

Eric Karros was doing the Dodger game for ESPN on Wednesday and stopped by the dugout to say he had just heard the bad news.

So much for keeping it secret that the wife is going to be in Dr. Phil’s audience Friday. We don’t talk to our neighbors anymore -- can’t hear them over the yapping dogs -- so I have no idea who the blabbermouth was this time.

It’s not something you want people to know about the woman you decided to marry. I mean, how do you criticize others when the wife goes giddy over some bald TV psychologist dispensing advice on relationships who began his career in the health spa business before splitting with his first wife?

Karros tried to interrupt.

How can you come down hard on someone in Dodger Stadium, if under your own roof the wife is thrilled to be part of a special show on being “Pretty Ugly”?

“I was talking about the bad news about J.D. Drew,” Karros said.

“Oh,” I said.

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I SUPPOSE it could be worse -- you could be married to Drew and afraid of touching the guy for fear of injuring him. “Dr. Phil, you just don’t understand, he’s so brittle.”

Or, married to Paul DePodesta. “Dr. Phil, my little computer geek blew it again.”

The Dodgers gave $55 million to Drew knowing he had an arthritic shoulder condition, DePodesta confirmed. Add to that a sore right wrist requiring surgery too, and as far as DePodesta knows, that was OK when they signed him.

As for the left wrist Drew injured this season, “he may have to undergo surgery on that” too, DePodesta said. The surgically repaired knee is fine, though.

It might be time to outfit Drew in a suit of armor like they wore back in the jousting days. At least now I understand why he hid before every game, afraid of his own shadow and how it might hurt him.

I looked up Drew’s biography in the Dodger media guide, just an alphabet coincidence that it followed Darren Dreifort.

“Drew is [injury-prone] purely by reputation,” DePodesta said. “The past five seasons he has averaged 120 games -- never playing less than 100.”

DePodesta’s computer apparently considers it an accomplishment playing an average of 120 games -- which means missing one-fourth of the season. This season Drew played in 72.

It might be time for DePodesta to place a call: “Dr. Phil, I need help.” I’d join the wife for that show.

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I CALLED Ram President John Shaw to ask about the threatening message a team executive left on the voicemail of Ram cheerleader and St. Louis Post-Dispatch columnist Bernie Miklasz.

“With no team in L.A., you’ve forgotten what cheerleaders look like,” Shaw cracked.

In a recent column, Miklasz said someone in the front office had it in for Coach Mike Martz, which is understandable the way the guy coaches. Miklasz wrote, “The head coach should be backed, not back-stabbed, by associates.”

One Ram associate, Samir Suleiman, left a message on Miklasz’s answering machine: “ ... tell your source that I’m not a backstabber, I’m a [expletive] throat slasher, and he’ll know the difference before it’s all said and done.”

Won’t he be surprised if he learns “Deep Throat” is Georgia Frontiere.

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THE DODGERS point to next year’s youth plan, while pitcher Edwin Jackson, the focus of the team’s youth plan the last few years, has a 9.37 earned-run average and has been replaced in the starting rotation.

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I FOUND it fascinating that Shane Mosley, a two-time winner over Oscar De La Hoya, has fallen to the undercard in a Saturday MGM/pay-per-view fight.

“Fascinating?” said Jin Mosley, Shane’s wife. “I think it’s depressing.”

There have been reports that it was Mosley’s wife who urged Shane, 34, to drop his father, Jack, as trainer and rebuild his career.

“Yes, I was the one,” she admitted for the first time. “[Jack Mosley] just didn’t seem as focused as he used to be, and I’m Shane’s wife and it’s my job to protect my husband. Was it a positive move for family and father -- no. For business and his boxing career -- yes.”

I can’t imagine anyone interested in watching the has-been fight, I said.

“I don’t take anything you say too seriously since you’re not covering boxing,” Jin said, and if they ever put gloves on his feisty wife, I’ll pay the $44.95 to watch. “He realizes his last performances have not been the best and he has to prove he’s not washed up. Why don’t you watch?”

“Call me when he fights somebody I’ve heard of before,” I said.

“Jose Luis Cruz is undefeated,” she said.

“He could be playing second base for the Dodgers for all I know,” I said.

“Goodbye,” she said before hanging up.

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IT’S A good thing that Shaquille O’Neal was out cruising South Beach at 3 a.m., giving him the chance to help police arrest a man he saw allegedly assaulting a gay couple. Some players would have been in bed by that time, and not there to help.

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TODAY’S LAST word comes in e-mail from www.teenwitch.com:

“I get a lot of emails from fans of Charmed about hexes. Here’s how real Witchcraft works. Removing a curse or hex is remarkably easy. The easiest way to remove a hex or curse from a person [including an entire team] or place [such as Dodger Stadium] is to smudge with sage or juniper. Light a sage leaf on fire, then gently blow the flame out “

I light a sage leaf, and some guys here are going to want to smoke it.

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T.J. Simers can be reached at

t.j.simers@latimes.com. To read previous columns by Simers, go to latimes.com/simers.