It’s a Thankless Job, but as Always, He Aims to Tease

So little time, so many coaches and athletes to agitate, and where do I start when the Clippers take on the Lakers?

The media is limited to 45 minutes of access before a game, so every teasing minute counts and Lamar Odom is telling me “only God knows” if he can string together three good games in a row, as if Phil Jackson is going to tell me.

Right now Jackson is behind doors with Bill Walton. It would’ve been so much fun to watch Walton devour Jackson in the low post, but I cannot afford to let my mind wander. The clock is ticking, and I’ve got to hope Walton keeps talking to Jackson so I can sneak away and irritate Mike Dunleavy.

If you have to depend on one person to keep talking, I like my chances with Walton.

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THE CLIPPERS hadn’t won since they traded Chris Wilcox to Seattle. I mention this to Dunleavy, and he says, “I was thinking about that today because I knew you’d be asking me,” and with all that time to think, the best answer he can offer is “only time will tell.” I might have to start referring to the Clippers’ coach as Mike Dullard.

Then he starts talking about the Lakers, “Even your guy, Devean George, is playing well,” he says, so I try to keep the conversation going and say, “So you’re shocked, like me?”

Dunleavy says, “No,” but then what would he know -- he gave away Wilcox, who scored 20 points Friday night, usually a good month’s work for George.

The interview continues, and I remain confident that Walton is still talking down the corridor. Dunleavy is talking about all the talent the Lakers have with Kobe Bryant, Odom, Chris Mihm, the great defense they are playing, and so I say, “Just imagine how good they might be if they had any kind of coaching.”

Dunleavy thinks about that for a moment, a moment longer than I thought he would, and says, “Very interesting. I think their coach is pretty good, too.” Well, I suppose he has to say that.

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FINALLY, THE time comes to annoy Jackson, the important thing, of course, being to beat him to the first smart-aleck comment, and so I ask him how he thought the hockey games went Friday, and who did he like to win the gold?

“Finland,” Jackson says. “Great team play, sacrifice by the stars, but great movement with the puck, they clear the zone and have good forechecking. I like good forechecking.”

Obviously, I get what I deserve.

The talk moves to the game against the Clippers, Jackson saying the game has “significance because it’s with a cross-town rival.”

“You’re starting to feel the rivalry?” I ask, knowing his previous reluctance to acknowledge the Clippers’ existence, and the question is too tough for Jackson, who finally says with all the emotion of a dead man, “It has a rivalry.”

We’re rolling again, and so I go for the teasing kill. “After the last two games do you get excited as a coach because it appears everyone is catching on to what you have to say?”

Without hesitation, Jackson says, “I had trouble sleeping last night.”

I know where you think I am going with my next comment, but Jackson saves Jeanie and me.

“I was excited,” he says. “Especially after I watched Slutskaya on the figure skating.” I know where you think I am going with my next comment....

Later Jackson tells me Sasha Cohen “didn’t practice the day before” the finals, and he doesn’t like that, “because practice makes perfect,” and I wonder, who is teasing whom now?

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WE NOW have the answer: Can Odom have three good games in a row?

No.

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THE CLIPPERS have lost so many games over the years, the one constant being broadcaster Ralph Lawler, and for the record, I’ve now broadcast the second quarter in two Clipper games -- the Clippers going on to win both by a total of 52 points. You can draw your own conclusions.

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THE FATHER/DAUGHTER gabfest on 570 Sunday is expanding to two hours, and Dunleavy will be the first guest because he has the best record among pro basketball coaches in town. USC Coach Pete Carroll will have plenty of time in the second hour to explain what went wrong.

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JUST HOW far do you think ESPN would go? (Keeping in mind they already put Skip Bayless on the air on a regular basis.)

First, Bob Knight gets an ESPN reality show, appears on “Cold Pizza” to promote it and walks off the set when he doesn’t like a question. Knight’s antics, of course, drew national attention, a boost for his show.

Then comes word Barry Bonds will have an ESPN show, and overnight there are conflicting retirement stories -- a year before any decision has to be made, but it’s good enough to grab some more national attention.

It makes you wonder now, after listening to speedskaters Shani Davis and Chad Hedrick go at it, if ESPN has some kind of reality “Roommates” show planned.

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TODAY’S LAST word comes from several e-mailers, who responded to reader Grant Shreiner’s idea to donate $57 to Mattel Children’s Hospital at UCLA in the name of Vin Scully, honoring his 57 years with the Dodgers. “Where do I send the money?” wrote Richard Chacon. “Vin Scully is one of the few things left to root for in professional sports -- if not the only thing.”

Just think of the Dodgers without him. Well, I guess there’s always Rex Hudler.

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T.J. Simers can be reached at t.j.simers@latimes.com. To read previous columns by Simers, go to latimes.com/simers.