Never Bet the Pass Line When Bryant Is Playing

So I’m getting all this e-mail from depressed Trojan fans who think they have a reason to be upset, and here I am in Las Vegas -- at the same time as the annual porno convention -- only I’m sitting at a Celine Dion concert with the wife.

There are tears in Celine’s eyes at the end of the show as she thanks everyone for showing up. She has no idea.

I can only dream about what I’m missing, although I should have guessed Kobe Bryant would be scoring like crazy, dropping 50 on the Clippers back in L.A. at the same time the crowd here is on its feet asking for Celine to sing some more.

Now there are tears in my eyes, knowing for a second what it must feel like to be Phil Jackson, sitting there and watching Kobe put up 40 and then yet another shot, while doing his best not to scream, “Enough already!”

I know the alternatives aren’t pretty. Kobe could be passing the ball to Kwame Brown, and I could be passing time in the sports book at Caesars with the Grocery Store Bagger, who is wearing an oversized Ben Roethlisberger jersey, which he considers a dress shirt.

I suppose Kobe could pass the ball to Devean George, but if it’s anything like passing the dice to Mrs. Bagger, craps, that’s a losing proposition every time.

Maybe it’ll be different when the baby can do more and develops a real presence of its own, and although I don’t want you to think I’m referring to Lamar Odom, I’m betting Phil probably is.

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THE LAKERS consider themselves a family, with owner Jerry Buss paying each of them handsomely to stay together. Who knew we had so much in common besides each having a daughter who wants to get married?

The annual trip to Las Vegas is an all-expenses-paid-by-dad family outing, with everyone required to make an appearance in the casino, which explains why the granddaughter’s first words will probably be “Wheel of Fortune.”

By the way, my thanks to the pit bosses at Caesars for keeping The 7-Eleven Kid out of earshot of the craps tables and her mother; no reason her first words should get her sent to her room.

The thing about traveling together means you have to spend time together, and in most families there’s some conflict.

I get along with the wife, of course, because she likes playing the penny slots, and what more can a man ask for in a companion who is always going to accompany him to Vegas?

The 7-Eleven Kid smiles at everything I say, so there’s no problem there. Come to think of it, you put a couple of beers in front of the kid’s father, and he smiles at everything I say too.

It’s a different story, though, with Miss Radio Personality, who thinks every good meal requires knives, forks and her opinions. Like Kobe, she’s loaded with talent but also with ideas of her own, sometimes seemingly unaware that Father Knows Best. (Maybe if I wore a cardigan sweater. I’m guessing right now most folks have no idea what I’m talking about.)

Anyway, I find it amusing that Miss Radio Personality likes to criticize Kobe -- especially on our Sunday morning radio show, marveling at the fact that Little Miss Gall went so far as to invite Jackson as a guest this week to talk about Kobe.

I know how tough it is for Phil to measure his words when patronizing Kobe, so I don’t imagine he’ll agree to deal with Miss Radio Personality, who called Kobe a “ball hog” when he appeared on the show, and who will surely try to get Jackson to say something nasty about the “ball hog.”

For a moment, though, I thought the Daily News had beaten her to it Wednesday, writing that Jackson “is far from enamored with the numbers -- four consecutive games of scoring 45 points or more,” then quoting Jackson as saying, “That’s not what basketball is all about. Basketball is about playing as a team and finding a functioning level.”

I know how sensitive Kobe can be, and that sure read like a sniping swipe at the “ball hog,” which didn’t quite mesh with what I had read in The Times, which appeared to be offered in full context: “Basketball is about playing as a team and finding a functioning level. If we have to play as a team with Kobe averaging 33 points a game, so be it. We want to be a winning team and do that in the process.”

That leaves the door open for Miss Radio Personality to find out just what Jackson is really saying when it comes to Kobe, and while I know the kid would disagree that she takes after her old man, I worry that her last name might scare off Jackson come Sunday, leaving her to argue with me.

Any father who has a daughter knows how that’s going to go.

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THE DODGERS’ new hitting instructor, Eddie Murray, fired in Cleveland because the Indians couldn’t hit -- scoring more, though, after he left -- has had a reputation for not getting along with the media. He told the Associated Press he didn’t have problems with every reporter, “only some.”

Page 2, of course, welcomes Eddie Murray back to L.A. with the expectation that he’ll fit right in here.

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TODAY’S LAST word comes in e-mail from Dan Prosky:

“I would like to point out that your last word section typically allows for you to actually leave with the last word. How about printing this e-mail without following it up with any comments so that I may truly have the last word?”

I’ll give it some thought since you seem so observant.

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T.J. Simers can be reached at

t.j.simers@latimes.com. To read previous columns by Simers, go to latimes.com/simers.