With the Clippers Done, It’s Getting Awfully Quiet

Now that the Clippers’ season is over ... as you would expect, I rushed to Dodger Stadium to embrace the guys and congratulate them on their good luck to date.

For some reason, I got the oddest reception.

It began with Nomar Garciaparra, you know, the old guy playing first base.

The Dodgers’ clubhouse was open, the traditional time to interview players, so a couple of us advanced on Garciaparra, who immediately advised a Dodgers PR guy to tell us to wait until he had dressed. His man-servant obliged, and without so much as a “hello,” or “just a minute, guys,” Garciaparra turned his back and sat down.

He began to methodically put on one ankle brace and then another, a knee brace ... and knowing how long it takes him to hitch up his batting gloves between pitches, I was worried we might miss “American Idol.”

I told him I was surprised he couldn’t do two things at the same time, although I know for some athletes it’s a challenge to dress and talk at the same time, and without saying a word, he continued to make it obvious he was taking his time in hope we’d go away.

Hey, I’ve had experience dealing with Garret Anderson.

When Garciaparra ran out of clothes to put on, he turned and a columnist from another newspaper asked him a question. Garciaparra dropped his head as if he was going to say a prayer after being informed all the fish in his aquarium had died.

And if I remember correctly, the guy was just asking him about the faith GM Ned Colletti had put in him to make him a Dodger.

Then I gave it a try, telling him how excited I was to be seeing a good Dodger team for a change, and in return I got a gloomy Garciaparra. Right now he’s hitting .370 -- what am I going to get when he drops below .300 later this summer?

I tried a few more questions, got a couple of grunts in return, and then told him, “So this is the Nomar everyone had told me about.”

When Garciaparra joined the Dodgers, I asked him about his reputation for being difficult with the media -- especially when some writers in Boston made it clear they wanted No More Garciaparra. He said he never had a problem with the media.

Well, the Dodgers have won 14 of 17 going into Wednesday’s game, including six in a row, in a large part because of Garciaparra’s play, and given his big league experience, he knows that makes him the center of attention. But he chose to be a big mope.

“I’ve got things to do,” he said, and he’s the one who took so long to dress.

“Ask a question,” he said while walking away.

“So what do you attribute this team’s success the past few weeks?” I said.

“Good alcohol,” he said, and at least he was trying, although it did seem like a plausible explanation.

Then he went back into his rope-a-dope mode, purposely dropping his voice and providing one-word answers. I could take No More.

I began to wonder if his fish really had died.

*

THINGS GOT worse, of course, when I moved to Kenny Lofton, who said, “I don’t want to be a part of this stuff,” and I had no idea the old-timer wasn’t happy playing for the Dodgers.

“It’s you,” he said. “You ask negative questions.”

At that point I believe I had said, “Hello.”

“You’re just trying to find something, bro,” Lofton said, and even my own bro doesn’t call me “bro.”

I asked Lofton if he was stunned, shocked, amazed or overwhelmed by the Dodgers’ success, and I guess I’ve got to stop using such big words because he couldn’t answer the question.

“I’m not talking,” he said, while talking. “I just want to work to get better so you don’t criticize me.”

“You see,” I said. “I’m motivating you and helping the Dodgers.”

“No, you’re not,” he said.

“Yes, I am,” I said and so it went.

A few minutes later a female reporter from Riverside asked to talk to Lofton, obviously unaware he wasn’t talking, and there was no shutting him up. When I mentioned it to him, he said, “She’s positive.”

Lofton moved outside to the dugout and a female FSN reporter, who had no idea he wasn’t talking, wanted to interview him. And he gushed. When he finished, he walked by me and said, “positive.”

For a moment there, I thought I might have to start wearing skirts to the park.

But then he did an interview with Damon Andrews from Channel 5, who does wear makeup, now that I think about it. Lofton and Andrews talked, then Lofton hugged Andrews at the end of the interview. I’ve got to give Lofton credit because I’ve never seen a ballplayer work so hard to identify the reporters in town willing to go easy on the players.

*

AT THIS point, I was left with only Jeff Kent, and when I mentioned I was there to embrace the Dodgers, I got the distinct impression from Kent we wouldn’t be hugging any time soon.

*

TODAY’S LAST word comes in e-mail from Deloris Batson:

“You said Charles Barkley changed his mind when Kobe was on TNT and you wouldn’t change your mind when you come face-to-face with Kobe. If I was Kobe and came face-to-face with you, I would punch you in the face.”

To show you what kind of guy I am, I’d visit you in jail.