Ouch! It hurts to watch ‘Painkiller Jane’
I never thought I’d write these words, but self-healing blonds seem to be a trend on television these days. But while the indestructible cheerleader of “Heroes” is part of the breakout hit of the year, “Painkiller Jane” is a persuasive argument for never taking the Sci Fi Channel seriously again.
Here is what happens when you take what little budget you have and invest it in steam machines and blue screen, as opposed to, say, writers and actors. Jane Vasko is a tough-talkin’, rule-breakin’ FBI agent played by Kristanna Loken, who has the voice and the mien of a young Kathleen Turner and none of the chops.
To be fair, even Turner might choke on lines like “Never let them see you cry again” and “He’s tough, I’m tougher” which litter the script, and I use the verb, well, literally.
Having lost her mother at a tender age, Jane has shut down her feelings to the point that, inexplicably, she cannot be killed. Hurt, yes, but nothing she can’t fix with enough facial contortions and moaning.
She discovers this after being persuaded to join a special ops team that has targeted “neuros” -- mutants of unexplained origin who, unlike the similarly afflicted folks on “Heroes,” do mostly really bad things. During a reconnaissance mission into a really tall building that houses some really bad neuros, Jane is pushed through a window and yet manages to survive a 20-story fall.
That Jane’s condition makes it possible for her to be hurt a lot infuses the show with a distressing undertone of torture. In one scene in the second episode she walks through that requisite hail of gunfire, the pain registering with every hit. The overall impact was much more victim than hero, as close to a snuff film as you will get on cable.
If this sounds interesting, I’m not telling it right. The show is long on concept and short on execution which would actually be OK if the writing and acting were not so simply terrible.
It’s too bad because tough-talking, smoky-voiced broads are among America’s greatest contributions to world culture and they are in very short supply these days.
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‘Painkiller Jane’
Where: Sci Fi Channel
When: 10 p.m.
Rating: TV-14 LV (may be unsuitable for children under the age of 14 with advisories for coarse language and violence)
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