Lakers-Suns series should be played at a Cineplex

PHOENIX -- So far everyone has been doing what they can to get our heroes inspired for the playoffs.

First off, it was one of the Suns, Amare Stoudemire, who provided bulletin-board fodder -- predicting the series won’t go seven games with Phoenix quickly dismissing the Lakers. You can imagine how upset that made our guys.

Then Phil Jackson, who gets paid $10 million a year to get them ready for the playoffs, showed the Lakers some clips from movies such as “Hustle & Flow” and “Little Miss Sunshine.” A year ago he showed them clips from “Inside Man,” a few years back it was “American History X.”

When they talk about coaches locking themselves in a room and watching film, now you know what they’re talking about.

“It’s hard out here for a pimp,” Jackson told the media the other day, and the reporters laughed. I’m guessing, though, the message hit home with Smush Parker, who has to be thinking these days about what he’ll be doing next when his basketball career soon comes to an end.

“Inside Man,” of course, was all about letting the Lakers know they had to get the ball inside to Kwame Brown to beat the Suns last year. Apparently Denzel Washington is much more believable than the guy getting paid $10 million a year to tell them to get the ball inside.

As for “Little Miss Sunshine,” I wonder about the message here. I might’ve gone with pictures of the Suns spliced along with clips from “The Gang That Couldn’t Shoot Straight.”

As I recall, “Little Miss Sunshine” is about a dysfunctional family, and while some of us can relate, the grandfather waxes philosophical, teaches the grandkid how to dance, and then croaks, while the kid goes on to bomb on stage.

I never thought of Andrew Bynum as Little Miss Sunshine, but then I never thought I’d hear Jackson say, “It’s hard out here for a pimp.”

Our guy, meanwhile, at The Times has also been working hard to motivate the Lakers. He’s gone heavy on printing excerpts from the book “:07 Seconds or Less,” which has the Suns trash-talking the Lakers.

In addition to giving him the ability now to write the book off on expenses, our guy has done his best to challenge the Lakers. For example, he quotes Suns Coach Mike D’Antoni, who said, “Kwame is awful.”

OK, so hard to argue.

He also quoted D’Antoni as saying, “Odom’s a very average defender.”

OK, so hard to argue.

“Vujacic can’t guard anybody.”

You’ve got to give D’Antoni credit, he knows his Lakers, and while I was wondering earlier why Jackson, who is famous for giving his players books, hadn’t given them this one -- I think I understand now.

D’Antoni also took note of Kobe Bryant’s share-the-ball role in last year’s playoff series and said, “They’re talking about Kobe and how great it is that he’s playing with the team. Well, isn’t that what you’re supposed to do?”

You can’t believe everything you read in a book, of course, because I remember reading in another book that Bryant was “uncoachable.”

The way the newspaper spun it, though, it sounded like fighting words with D’Antoni disparaging our guy along with comments made about Brown, Odom and Parker.

Our guy reported Saturday that copies of his article were passed out to the players, which might explain in part why Times’ circulation is down. I wonder if Brown considered it news when he learned that someone considered him “awful.”

Anyway, it sure looks as if no one thinks the Lakers have a chance against the Suns if it just comes down to Xs and O’s, and may the better team win. By all accounts of what I have been reading this week it appears the Lakers will have to play angry, or inspired, or fired up, to see what movie clips Jackson might show them if they ever get past the first round again in the playoffs.

This is no time to dwell on matchups with Jordan Farmar having two starts under his belt and taking on Steve Nash, who has two MVP trophies. This has to be all about emotion and the underdog somehow finding enough ammunition to feed its resolve.

That puts me in an awkward spot. I had no intention of mentioning the fact the last time the Lakers played a playoff game here, the rest of his team went belly up in the first half, thereby prompting Bryant to go into a second-half funk.

When you consider how Bryant has played the last few weeks and the number of shots he’s put up, ask yourself this: Could you imagine any situation, especially Game 7 of a playoff series, and Kobe Bryant taking only three shots in the second half and scoring one point?

No, I didn’t really want to go back there, but if the game plan is to inspire the Lakers the best way that Stoudemire, Jackson and our own reporter know how -- then I’d like to contribute in my own way.

So here’s hoping the Tanker goes all out this time from start to finish.

MITCH KUPCHAK was a guest on the father/daughter morning radio show on 570 the other day with Roggin, and he sounded like a man who is pretty pleased with the Lakers roster. That might come as somewhat of a surprise to Lakers fans, who think the team needs a lot more to compete for an NBA title.

“If we had everyone healthy all year, we could’ve gotten to 50-plus wins and been one of the top six teams in the NBA,” Kupchak said. “There were 18 to 19 teams with worse records and we’re almost in the top 10 -- and that’s playing as poorly as we did the last couple of months.

“I don’t think we have to break this team up. I can see tweaking the roster with a bench player, one player who perhaps starts, a starter to get us over the hump and the top four teams [out there].”

That does not sound like a major acquisition, and Kupchak agreed. “It doesn’t have to be one of the top 15 to 18 players in the NBA.”

Holy Kevin Garnett & Jermaine O’Neal, I wonder if Lakers fans agree.

T.J. Simers can be reached at

t.j.simers@latimes.com. To read previous columns by Simers, go to latimes.com/simers.