Don’t Bet The House (or the Dolphins)

Bills over Dolphins

* One day history will show: Meadowlark Lemon played for the Harlem Globetrotters, and Green-Beck-Lemon played quarterback for the 2007 Miami Dolphins, who played the role of the Washington Generals against the rest of the NFL.

Bengals over Rams

* You could call this a matchup of two of the league’s biggest underachievers this season, except the Bengals (4-8) have just clinched their 16th non-winning season in the last 17 years. They do this all the time.

Cowboys over Lions

* The NFL will be closely monitoring this game after a couple of Cowboys defenders said they were planning to tee off on Jon Kitna because, to put it in 50 words or less, the Detroit quarterback talks too much. In another somewhat related development, the Lions have lost their last four games and must finish 4-0 to reach Kitna’s preseason guarantee of 10 victories. Yeah. Kitna talks too much for his own good.

Packers over Raiders

* Tale of three former USC running backs nobody expected to read three months ago: Reggie Bush, 581 yards rushing; LenDale White, 754 yards rushing; Justin Fargas, 863 yards rushing.

Buccaneers over Texans

* Last week, the Buccaneers’ starting quarterback was Luke McCown. This week, the Texans’ starting quarterback is Sage Rosenfels. Yes, Colt Brennan has a future in the NFL.

Jaguars over Panthers

* The Jaguars and the Panthers are expansion brothers, both born in the 1995 season. Time for a quick update and comparison: The Panthers lead in Super Bowl appearances, 1-0. The Jaguars currently have the better team. The Jaguars play their home games in Jacksonville, the Panthers do not. Advantage: Jaguars, in a landslide.

Giants over Eagles

* Can you make the playoffs without beating a single team with a winning record? The Giants add the Eagles to the list on Sunday and say, “Oh, yes.”

Vikings over 49ers

* If I’m UCLA, I think twice before handing the football program over to Steve “Don’t Call Me Midas” Mariucci. Consider this trail of tears: Mariucci was the coach of the 49ers -- look at them now. He was coach of the Lions -- look at them now. Before all that, he was an assistant coach at Cal State Fullerton -- look at . . . well, there’s nothing to look at now. Fullerton scrapped its football program in the early 1990s.

Chargers over Titans

* I am a Fullerton grad old enough to remember watching the Titans play football. Gene Murphy, Damon Allen, Mike Pringle, that rickety temporary on-campus stadium that looked like an Erector Set on steroids. Forget the Rams and Raiders leaving. A whole generation of SoCal kids now thinks Titans football means Vince Young wearing an ugly uniform and throwing way too many interceptions.

Seahawks over Cardinals

* If the Cardinals win, they will have a winning record in December. Sorry. Not in our lifetime.

Broncos over Chiefs

* Highlight of the Broncos’ season: Travis Henry wins his appeal of a one-year drug suspension.

Colts over Ravens

* The city of Baltimore figured that once Robert Irsay stole away the Colts, nothing more could be stolen. Then came last Monday night’s game against the Patriots.

Steelers over Patriots

* If there’s any justice.

Browns over Jets

* To commemorate the matchup of the inaugural “Monday Night Football” game, which was played on Sept. 21, 1970, the Cleveland Browns will again defeat the New York Jets, 31-21.

Saints over Falcons

* From Howard Cosell, Joe Namath and Fair Hooker in 1970 to Tony Kornheiser, Chris Redman and poor Falcons in 2007, how mighty Monday night has fallen.

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christine.daniels@latimes.com