It all seems almost new

It’s the end of January football as we know it.

Rex Grossman wins a playoff game.

The New Orleans Saints win a playoff game.

Peyton Manning wins a playoff game on the road.

Marty Schottenheimer ... um ... well, he didn’t win a playoff game.

He got one, played it at home, and lost it when a late field-goal attempt went short and wide.

Three out of four isn’t bad.

Keeping in theme with the rest of this one-sided season, the conference championship games feature a great grudge match layered with enticing subplots in the AFC and a what’s-wrong-with-this-picture matchup in the NFC.

The AFC title game will be the New England Patriots at the Indianapolis Colts, which seemed unlikely 72 hours ago, but now in retrospect looks pre-ordained.

The San Diego Chargers and Baltimore Ravens began this tournament as the two best teams in the league. Both had the first round off to rest injuries and prepare for a couple of wild-card survivors. Both had second-round games in their home stadiums.

Unfortunately for them, both had links to the Schottenheimer Curse.

The Chargers are coached by Schottenheimer, which should have sent up a red flag -- and sure enough, Marty messed up when he sent out the red flag.

The Ravens once were known as the Cleveland Browns, who lost two heart- and soul-crushing AFC title games to the Denver Broncos when Schottenheimer was their coach.

So the Chargers went out Sunday and wasted a 14-3 lead and threw away a key timeout on a needless fourth-quarter challenge and went for it on fourth and 11 from the Patriots’ 30 -- Schottenheimer trying a little too hard to play anti-Martyball.

San Diego lost, 24-21.

A day earlier, the Ravens failed to score a touchdown at home against a ridiculed Colts defense and failed to avenge the 1984 Robert Irsay end-around to Indianapolis, losing to the franchise it lost 23 years ago, 15-6.

That sets up a Colts-Patriots AFC final with more story lines than current Manning television ads.

It will be Manning-Tom Brady III -- and don’t remind Peyton about I and II.

It will be the Adam Vinatieri Wide Left Bowl -- former New England Super Bowl star veers left on the map during the off-season and now kicks for Indianapolis, his five field goals securing the latest thing Indianapolis has taken from Baltimore.

It will be Bill Belichick against Tony Dungy -- the coach who’s 3-0 in Super Bowls against the coach who’s 0-2 in conference title games.

In the NFC, it will be, ahem, the Saints (two playoff victories in 40 seasons) at the Chicago Bears (three playoff victories since their 1985 NFL championship).

Oddly enough, the Saints and Bears have a playoff history.

In 1990, the Saints made the playoffs for the second time in their existence, as an 8-8 wild card, earning them a first-round trip to Central Division champion Chicago.

The quarterbacks that day were Steve Walsh and John Fourcade for New Orleans and Mike Tomczak for Chicago.

The game featured one touchdown and five field goals -- three by Kevin Butler in a 16-6 Bears victory.

Sixteen seasons later, the rematch will be held at a rebuilt Soldier Field, with the Saints and Grossman looking around the place and wondering in unison, “How did we get here?”

Grossman got the Bears to the NFC final by completing 21 of 38 passes for 282 yards, including a key 30-yard completion to Rashied Davis to help set up Robbie Gould’s decisive field goal in a 27-24 overtime triumph over Seattle.

To put it another way, from his most recent start to Sunday’s against the Seahawks, Grossman went from zero to hero.

During a regular-season-closing loss to Green Bay, Grossman actually finished with a passer rating of 0.0.

The Saints nearly duplicated that altitude climb, going from 3-13 in 2005 to their first NFC title game with Saturday’s 27-24 victory over Philadelphia.

Taking a quick look ahead, here’s how the Bears and the Saints break down:

* Ditka Factor -- Both teams were coached by Mike Ditka. With the Bears, Ditka won a Super Bowl. With the Saints, Ditka wore a tuxedo and posed for a magazine cover photo alongside Ricky Williams wearing a wedding dress. Advantage, Bears.

* America’s Team Factor -- The post-Katrina Saints are everyone’s favorite NFL story this season. This week’s definition of What It Means to Be An American: If you’re not from Chicago, you’re rooting for New Orleans. Advantage, Saints.

* Peculiar Use of the English Language Factor: It’s “Da Bears” against “Who Dat?” Advantage? It’s a push.

Home teams were 2-2 in the second round, with a very good chance to go 0-2 in the third.

New England at Indianapolis?

The Colts beat the Patriots in Foxborough on Nov. 5, but as even Manning concedes, the Patriots are an entirely different team in January.

New Orleans at Chicago?

With a trip to the Super Bowl at stake, whom would you take? Drew Brees or Grossman? Deuce McAllister-Reggie Bush or Thomas Jones-Cedric Benson? Joe Horn-Marques Colston or Muhsin Muhammad-Bernard Berrian?

It is looking suspiciously like a New England-New Orleans Super Bowl -- with Schottenheimer on the outside looking in. And there’s absolutely nothing new about that.

mike.penner@latimes.com