A record, with a catch

If you should be the lucky fan who catches Barry’s No. 756, don’t ask for money. Simply ask for a short letter that reads like this:

Dear baseball fans,

I apologize for cheating on the game of baseball by using steroids. I realize that I have tarnished the history of a game to which integrity means so much. I know that my actions cannot be undone, thus I ask that an asterisk be placed next to my record.

Sincerely,

Barry Bonds

P.S. The Dodgers are better than the Giants.

Well, maybe that last part is asking for a bit much.

JARED DERKSEN

Redlands

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I don’t want Barry to break the record at Dodger Stadium, so don’t pitch to him. Keep the offerings out of the strike zone or use a tool of a bygone era -- a brushback pitch. Put him on base with intentional walks then throw over repeatedly.

As for the crowd reaction when he is announced, my suggestion is for the stadium to go dead quiet -- total indifference to his presence and his “record.” That silence will match the sound of the World Series championship banners flapping in the San Francisco breeze.

KEITH VERALDI

Los Angeles

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With ratings down across the board, I hear Major League Baseball wants to raise capital by issuing bonds.

The first is a series of Bonds that deals with the media, but it has no maturity.

The next is a series of Bonds that deals with teammates and fans, but it has no interest.

The last is a series of Bonds that deals with the grand jury and telling the truth under oath, but it has no principle.

ERIC STEVER

West Hills

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What Barry doesn’t get is that in the end we can forgive him for doing steroids. We can even forgive him for lying about it. But what we cannot forgive him for is his remorseless indignation at being accused.

At least (when questioned by Congress) Mark McGwire looked like he’d stolen from the cookie jar. One look at Barry’s sour mug and it’s clear he thinks the cookie jar was his to begin with.

SCOTT BARRY

West Hollywood

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Roger Goodell has Michael Vick.

David Stern has Tim Donaghy.

Bud Selig has Barry Bonds.

Suddenly, Selig’s decision to attend a few baseball games doesn’t seem too difficult.

BRYAN CIERLEY

Newport Beach