Top 10 reasons why they shouldn’t do top-10 lists

There have been stories in the newspaper recently about the possibility of Jason Hart saving the season for the Clippers. Somebody please tell me who Jason Hart is.

The Lakers’ hopes were riding on the return of Kwame Brown the other night. There were people who actually came to their feet in Staples Center applauding his return. And we have pictures, so we can tell just who you are.

The Angels’ big off-season acquisition has already had to hire O.J.’s attorney and the Dodgers are still willingly employing Mark Hendrickson.

Starved for just a glimpse of excellence, I think that’s why my eye caught something on the Internet -- the top 10 most influential people in sports history as determined by a media panel of 13 for hofmag.com.

I took a look at the voting panel, and noticed Dodgers broadcaster Charley Steiner’s name. Everyone else must have been out of town that weekend.

I figured the Parking Lot Attendant or Lon Rosen was a cinch to make Steiner’s list, but instead he went with Walter O’Malley at No. 10, consistent, at least, in having no idea what he’s talking about. O’Malley hasn’t even been voted into the Baseball Hall of Fame. Ross Porter would know better than that.

Then I noticed the name Armen Keteyian, the chief investigative correspondent for CBS News in New York, and I’ve always had the impression he was smart. So I took a look at his list, shocked and stunned to learn Keteyian isn’t as smart as I am -- because his list is different from mine.

Keteyian ranked Tony Hawk No. 10, or maybe it was his two daughters filling out the ballot for him. He ranked Jim Fixx ninth, and if you call CBS and ask to speak to their chief investigative correspondent, they’ll probably tell you he’s out to lunch, all right. Fixx, the running guru, died at age 52 of a massive heart attack -- after his daily run. At best, maybe Fixx makes the top 10 most ironic finishes for people in sports history.

Keteyian also had the NCAA’s longtime dictator, Walter Byers, at No. 8, which got me wondering if I might run into Jason Hart’s name somewhere down the list.

LET THE argument begin. How would you line up the top 10?

The 13 media types who voted placed Michael Jordan No. 10, Pete Rozelle next, and then lost it at No. 8 with Knute Rockne. Rockne over Pete Carroll?

The panel listed Arnold Palmer at No. 7 -- I didn’t mention Palmer and went with Tiger Woods instead. Roone Arledge, a fine choice for his pioneering work in TV and making Howard Cosell a star, placed sixth.

Jesse Owens, who ruined Hitler’s day -- good enough to finish second on my list -- finished fifth in hofmag.com’s voting, just behind Billie Jean King. It’s a good thing she didn’t “get back to the kitchen,” and no, Cedric Maxwell was nowhere on the list.

No arguments here so far on Jordan, Rozelle, Arledge, Owens or King, but we had serious ranking disagreement at No. 3. The panel put Jackie Robinson there, while I had Robinson and Branch Rickey standing together on my ballot at No. 1.

Frank Pace, agent for Rod Carew, producer of “George Lopez” and off his rocker at times like Keteyian, left Robinson off his ballot, which explains in part why no one was a unanimous choice on all 13 ballots. Pace also coaches soccer by his own choosing, so good judgment is obviously not one of his strong points.

Pace went with Marvin Miller and Lamar Hunt at the expense of Robinson and Rickey, while placing Owens and Joe Louis together at No. 4 and noting, “With all due respect to Jackie Robinson, Owens & Louis united the country and exposed Hitler’s hate mongering for what it was. They were the face of America when the world needed them the most.”

Pace would also write, “everyone’s list is right,” and get that wrong too.

EIGHT OF the names on my list were in agreement with the panel’s final findings -- my two exceptions being Woods and Avery Brundage, godfather of the Olympics.

Babe Ruth, meanwhile, finished No. 2 with the panel, and I know what you’re thinking -- Robert Creamer, one of Sports Illustrated’s founding writers, just like you had Lee de Forest listed as the most influential person in sports history.

If Keteyian is out to lunch, we know who is with him. Creamer listed “the father of radio and grandfather of television” No. 1 overall, and how would you like to get caught sitting in a middle seat next to Creamer while talking sports on a cross-country flight with weather delays?

Creamer did not include the panel’s overall No. 1 selection -- Muhammad Ali -- anywhere on his ballot, but he did place Jimmy Van Allen, the guy who introduced tennis tiebreakers, at No. 7.

If Al Smith gets a write-in vote in the next presidential election, I think we’ll know who cast it.

Ali No. 1 over Robinson and Rickey? Is there an argument?

SO I get a call from PR guy Chip Namias, who had me starring in my own movie, “The Game Plan,” which will be coming out this summer. Now he’s doing work for “Semi-Pro,” a Will Ferrell movie, but apparently Ferrell has no interest in sharing billing with Page 2. I guess he still hasn’t gotten over that loss to my UCLA team.

Anyway, instead of using me, Namias said “Semi-Pro” is looking for folks who would like to act like basketball fans in the movie. This might be ideal for Clippers fans, who these days kind of have to act as if they’re enjoying the games.

Ferrell, Woody Harrelson and director Kent Alterman will be present for the filming of scenes at Dodger Stadium beginning March 15, and anyone interested in being a part of the crowd should register at www.beinamovie.com.

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T.J. Simers can be reached at t.j.simers@latimes.com.

To read previous columns by Simers, go to latimes.com/simers.