TWO-MINUTE DRILL

at Buffalo 34, Seattle 10: For one week only, Bills punter Brian Moorman is the best passer in the NFL. Next week, we can all forget about him again.

at Atlanta 34, Detroit 21: Matt Ryan throws for a touchdown on his first NFL pass. But don’t get too excited. The last quarterback to do that: Michael Bishop.

New York Jets 20, at Miami 14: After the game, a confused Brett Favre was so excited about the victory that he retired three more times.

at Tennessee 17, Jacksonville 10: Vince Young has two passes intercepted and later is booed off the field. And his team won.

at New England 17, Kansas City 10: Coincidence or not? In the Marvel comics, Captain America has also been sidelined indefinitely.

at New Orleans 24, Tampa Bay 20: Drew Brees and the Saints help the people of New Orleans put Gustav behind them in style.

at Philadelphia 38, St. Louis 3: Is there anyone left in Los Angeles who is still sorry that this Rams franchise is no longer in town?

at Pittsburgh 38, Houston 17: Texans blame loss on failure to get first down on a fourth-and-one play. Do they know they lost by 21 points?

at Baltimore 17, Cincinnati 10: Can someone please ask Chad Ocho Cinco how you say “0 and 1” in Spanish? It would look nice on a jersey.

Dallas 28, at Cleveland 10: Cowboys live up to all the preseason hype. Do the Browns ever live up to the preseason hype?

Carolina 26, at San Diego 24: Don’t worry, Chargers fans, last season’s team started 1-3 and still recovered in time to choke in the playoffs as usual.

Arizona 23, at San Francisco 13: Meanwhile, Matt Leinart sits on the bench, hoping his Heisman Trophy will impress one of the cheerleaders.

Chicago 29, at Indianapolis 13: In WWE, Randy Orton is “The Legend Killer.” If Kyle Orton keeps beating guys like Peyton Manning, he can use the name too.