Ben Bolch’s NBA rankings

IMMUNE TO TRYPTOPHAN

1. INDIANA (15-1) Forget 2013-14 Bulls, Pacers set sights on 1995-96 Bulls (72-10). (2)

2. SAN ANTONIO (14-3) Parker wants to be like Steve Nash at 38; doesn’t refer to Nash at 39. (1)

OVERSTUFFED … AND LOVING IT

3. MIAMI (13-3) LeBron hosts dinner for team in Akron, then polishes off turkeys, er, Cavs. (3)

4. OKLA. CITY (11-3) Westbrook shows one three-point fling deserves another versus Warriors. (4)

5. CLIPPERS (12-5) Why shake hands with Kings after socking them three times in mouth? (5)

6. PORTLAND (13-3) Wesley Matthews in new HBO vampire show “True Shooting Percentage.” (6)

7. HOUSTON (13-5) New math: Aaron Brooks, Francisco Garcia > James Harden, Jeremy Lin. (10)

8. DALLAS (10-8) While you were sleeping: Dalembert benched after missing shoot-around. (8)

9. DENVER (9-6) Can’t say whether Foye or Carmelo more surprised by Foye’s block. (15)

MOSTLY YUMMY LEFTOVERS

10. GOLDEN STATE (9-8) Splash Brothers suddenly taking a bath during Warriors’ rough stretch. (7)

11. MEMPHIS (8-8) Grizzlies’ solution to slow start, Marc Gasol injury: grit and bear it. (11)

12. PHOENIX (9-8) Hornacek makes Jazz fans wistful for what they’re missing. (14)

13. ATLANTA (9-9) Only in East can one game over .500 put you on pace for No. 3 seeding. (12)

14. MINNESOTA (9-9) Eight claps now a pregame ritual for trio of former UCLA Bruins on team. (9)

15. LAKERS (9-8) ESPN 710 “Him” promos make you think God, not Kobe, is returning soon. (19)

16. CHARLOTTE (8-9) Bobcats unsure what to do with impact player in Al Jefferson. (17)

17. NEW ORLEANS (7-8) Jrue story: 76ers fans nice to Holiday in his return with Pelicans. (18)

18. CHICAGO (7-8) Unfortunately for Bulls, Plan B this season doesn’t include Nate Robinson. (13)

A BUNCH OF TURKEYS

19. WASHINGTON (8-9) Lakers, losers of two of last three in D.C., demand a recount. (26)

20. TORONTO (6-9) Rudy Gay barring stats in locker room like Big Baby banning scale in bathroom. (19)

21. DETROIT (6-10) Josh Smith was supposed to put a charge into Pistons, not the opposition. (21)

22. BOSTON (7-12) Think Kobe deal is bad? Wallace owed $30.3 million through 2016. (28)

23. ORLANDO (6-10) Jameer Nelson could be had for a song, preferably “It’s a Small World After All.” (25)

24. PHILADELPHIA (6-11) Trading Spencer Hawes for a future asset is crazy; Hawes is a future asset. (20)

25. SACRAMENTO (4-10) NBA’s cow town is a welcome change of scenery for Derrick Williams. (27)

26. BROOKLYN (5-12) Intentional or not, it’s pretty much a nightly spill for the Nets and J. Kidd. (22)

27. CLEVELAND (5-12) Does anyone here really believe LeBron wants to come back to this? (24)

28. NEW YORK (3-12) Carmelo Anthony + Kobe Bryant + Mike D’Antoni = Insanity with lots of Ls. (23)

29. MILWAUKEE (3-13) If Bucks lose to Bobcats and no one is there, is it still a defeat? (29)

SUSPECTED OF FOWL PLAY

30. UTAH (3-15) Like Chance the Gardener, sometimes being there is best Corbin can offer. (30)