Sideline Chatter: Early-season polls are: (A) meaningless (B) useless (C) just plain silly

Got your bloomers in a bunch over Alma Mater U’s season-opening defeat? Cheer up out there.

“Last year, Ohio State lost early and dropped out of the Top 10 in the early polls,” pointed out Jack Finarelli of SportsCurmudgeon.com. “Oregon lost early and dropped out of the Top 10 in the early polls. Now, which two teams played for the College Football Championship at the end of the season?

“The prosecution rests, Your Honor.”

Headlines

At TheOnion.com: “Tom Brady haunted by destroyed cellphone ringing beneath floorboards.”

At Fark.com: “Arizona star linebacker Scooby Wright exits game with knee injury. Ruh-roh.”

Tackled for a loss

According to Labor Department figures released last week, 173,000 new jobs were created in August.

Just in time for NFL cuts to jack up the unemployment rate.

Raising a racket

CoCo Vandeweghe totaled her tennis racket smashing it five times after falling behind 5-0 in her second-round match at the U.S. Open

In other words, she went CoCo for Koo-Koo Puffs.

Snooze alert

Taking a midday nap can help lower blood pressure and decrease the risk of a heart attack, according to findings presented at the European Society of Cardiology Conference.

Or, as doctors in Cleveland put it, “Take these two Browns tickets and call me in the morning.”

Walk into history

The Nationals’ Bryce Harper made baseball history Thursday when he scored four runs scored and added an RBI despite having no official at-bats courtesy of drawing four walks.

Just who does Harper think he is, McGyver?

Say it ain’t Joe

A Dunkin’ Donuts in Maine has offered Richard Berman, the judge in the Tom Brady case, free coffee for life.

If he accepts it, of course, that’s grounds for appeal.

Talko time

NBC’s Jimmy Fallon, on Patriots QB Tom Brady beating the NFL in court: “Brady was pretty psyched, but I thought it was a bit much when he dumped a bucket of Gatorade on the judge’s head.”

Reader Ted, to the Cleveland Plain Dealer, on the Browns’ 24-0 exhibition loss to the Bears: “Is this the first time in NFL history that a complete team was inactive for a game?”

Reggie Hayes of the Fort Wayne (Ind.) News-Sentinel, on Wrigley Field’s aptly named inhabitants: “These Cubs are so young, they think manager Joe Maddon invented the football video game.”

Fight is rated PG

Turns out that MMA fighter Kinberly Novaes was 12 weeks pregnant when she was dishing out the punishment and winning a title fight.

In other words, she was beating for two.

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