He Returns to Reality in a Hurry

Bud Grant looked at it twice to make sure he was reading it correctly. The 1985 National Football League schedule, which came out this week, showed that the Minnesota Vikings will open against the San Francisco 49ers.

Said Grant, who is coaching the Vikings again after a year in retirement: “I guess there is something to be said for finding out right away how you match up against the best.

“But at the same time I think the NFL could have brought me back to the reality of pro football a little more gradually.”

Scouts for the Dallas Cowboys are required to carry tape measures at all times, and thereby hangs a tale.

George Young, general manager of the New York Giants, told the New York Times about the case of David McDaniels, a Mississippi Valley receiver drafted in the second round by the Cowboys in 1968. McDaniels never made the grade and soon disappeared from the league.

“The scouting reports said he ran 40 yards in 4.5 seconds,” Young said. “When the Cowboys got him to minicamp, he ran 4.8. They had him run it again, and again he ran 4.8.

“The Cowboys were so upset that they went back to the college and remeasured the 40-yard course. It turned out to be 2 1/2 yards short.”

If the power of positive thinking pays off, we may never see the last of Phil Niekro.

When the New York Yankees lost their opener at Boston, Niekro’s opening-day record fell to 0-7.

Undaunted, the 46-year-old knuckleballer said: “I just haven’t pitched well on opening days. But the law of averages is bound to catch up to me.”

If all goes well, Niekro will be able to balance the books when he is 53.

Said World B. Free of the Cleveland Cavaliers after surrendering 25 points to Michael Jordan of the Chicago Bulls in the first half: “When they’re burning you like that, you go in at halftime and put on the shades.”

In a column on former Kentucky basketball Coach Adolph Rupp, Steve Duin of the Portland Oregonian quotes former Kentucky All-American Bill Spivey as saying: “Rupp was unique. He wanted everyone to hate him--and he succeeded.”

On the subject of good-luck apparel worn by basketball coaches, first-year DePaul Coach Joey Meyer said: “I used to worry about those things, and I know coaches are supposed to worry about not wearing a suit they lost in. But after nine losses, I don’t have enough clothes in my wardrobe.”

Marvin Hagler told John Ed Bradley of the Washington Post that Tommy Hearns will be trying so hard for a knockout Monday night that it will prove his undoing.

Said Hagler: “Tommy’ll be looking for that one big punch, looking, looking, but where am I? Where is that bald head? Where is it? Where is it? I’ll be a mirage. Give him something to see, and all of a sudden it ain’t there. After a while, he’ll be so confused, you’ll see him stop his gloves and say, ‘Where are you, Marvin?’ And I’ll be right there. Waiting, waiting.

“Bam! Somebody help Tommy off the floor.”

Said Hagler: “Tommy’ll be looking for that one big punch, looking, looking, but where am I? Where is that bald head? Where is it? Where is it? I’ll be a mirage. Give him something to see, and all of a sudden it ain’t there. After a while, he’ll be so confused, you’ll see him stop his gloves and say, ‘Where are you, Marvin?’ And I’ll be right there. Waiting, waiting.

“Bam! Somebody help Tommy off the floor.”

Hall of Fame pitcher Bob Feller told Bill Livingston of the Cleveland Plain Dealer of his first big-league trip after being signed as an Iowa farmboy in 1936: “I had never been on a train before in my life. I had to be shown how to get in and out of the berth, how to dress and undress in there, how to tip the porters. The only thing I didn’t have to worry about was shaving. I didn’t have to.”

Feller was 17.

Quotebook

Martina Navratilova, on why Czechoslovakia turns out great tennis players: “It’s the society. There is nothing else to do there.”