Don’t Blame Me If Cardinals Lose, Says Andujar

The debate, as always, is not about Joaquin Andujar’s arm, but about Joaquin Andujar’s head.

Some things, he can’t get straight.

A little evidence: Once asked how he’d do if he batted against himself, he said: “That is stupid question. I’d get hit because I’d throw right down middle.”

A little more evidence: During a pregame press conference Wednesday, the day before he’d be starting against the Dodgers, he couldn’t keep his hat on straight.

He walked in. Hat forward.

“OK, go ahead,” he said to the writers. “Let’s go.”

Hat backward, now.

Question: You’ve had only one win since Aug. 23. What’s wrong?

“I am human. Anyone can have good start and bad end. . . .”

Question: Can the Dodgers win without a healthy Pedro Guerrero?

“I tell you what. Guerrero’s ready. He’s one tough Dominican. He’s ready. If you throw a fastball down the middle, he’ll hit it 1,000 miles.”

Question: Who is the toughest Dominican?

“You cannot compare us. He’s a good hitter, and I’m a good pitcher.”

Hat forward, now.

Question: Is it more exciting to pitch a playoff game than a regular-season game?

“All you guys call me crazy because I play hard. That’s the way I play. No way to stop me or change me. I play 100% like Pete Rose.”

Question: What about the All-Star game? Did it take you long to get over it (a little more evidence: he chose not to play in it because he wasn’t starting)?

“That too long ago. I don’t want to talk about it.”

Hat backward, now.

Question: What are you going to do against the Dodgers?

“Throw strikes, have good luck, hope the big guy (Guerrero) hits it right at somebody who can catch it. . . . Wish me luck.”

Hat forward, now.

Question: What do you think of Orel Hershiser?

“I think Hershiser is one of the best right-handed pitchers in baseball. I think he’ll be great. All you guys go with (Dwight) Gooden. I’ll go with Hershiser. He is smart, has a better slider and has a good sinkerball. I think it is a spitball. No way a ball drops that much.

Question: Do you feel pressure that if you win, the Cardinals win, and if you lose, the Cardinals lose?

“I was reading Mr. Rick Hummel (of the St. Louis Post-Dispatch) in the paper before I leave St. Louis, and I read that the key is Joaquin Andujar. The playoffs haven’t started yet, and they’re blaming me. If we lose, they blame me. . . . They may blame me if we lose, but I’m only pitching game 2, not 1, 3 and 4. I tell you guys: I wish I could have another season like this. Only one or two pitchers reach the 20-win mark.”

Hat still forward.

No more questions.

“Thank you, and don’t blame it on Joaquin,” he said.

He left.

Enter Hershiser, the other starter in today’s game.

Complete opposite.

Hat straight. Hair straight. Everything straight, but his pitches.

Question: Do you throw a spitball?

“I was challenged on that point by Joe Torre when I first came up in 1983, but I wouldn’t go to the trouble of throwing it in warmups, and my ball sinks in warmups. . . . I wouldn’t resort to foul play.”

Question: Andujar said he would take you over Dwight Gooden. Well?

“Joaquin likes me better than Gooden as a pitcher, huh? Well, good. I might take Joaquin with me to negotiate. He’ll have a good off-season job. Personally, I’d take Gooden over me.”

Question: What was your biggest game prior to this upcoming one?

“I threw a no-hitter against Ball State when I was at Bowling Green. No, the biggest game before this? I don’t know. Maybe, going into San Diego this year when they still were in contention.”

Question: Are you going to drive Tom Lasorda to the ballpark tomorrow (like he did once already this year, stopping at McDonald’s on the way)?

“Well, he didn’t like Egg McMuffins.”

Question: But he ate them, right?

“You know Tommy. He says: ‘I’m not hungry,’ and he eats half your plate.”

He left.

Hat still forward.