No Accounting for the Luck of the Irish

THE COLLEGES

Some teams win ugly. Notre Dame loses pretty, having dropped two games by a total of six points. Just the Irish’s luck that the primitive Bottom Ten computer does not take point totals or quality of opponents into consideration.

So Notre Dame moved into the No. 1 spot, replacing No. 6 Ohio State (1-2), which needed a late field goal to avoid becoming the first Buckeye team in 97 years to be winless after three games. No sense of history.

Another former leader, UCLA (1-1), passed one hurdle on its grueling schedule by routing San Diego State, 45-14. The win dampened speculation that the Bruin athletic department has been ignoring the football program in favor of building the women’s volleyball team (8-0 and ranked No. 8 in the nation) into a dynasty.

The Rank:

Team, Record Last Loss Next Loss 1. NotreDame(0-2) 15-20, Mich. St. Purdue 2. Syracuse (0-3) 17-26, Va. Tech Rutgers 3. Florida (1-2) 7-21, Alabama Miss St. 4. Colorado (0-3) 10-13, Ohio State Arizona 5. LSU (1-1) 12-21, Miami (O) Hiding 6. Ohio State (1-2) Df. Colo. 13-10 Utah 7. Utah State (0-3) 13-16, Kansas St. Idle 8. BYU (2-1) 21-52, Wash. Temple 9. Princeton (0-1) 8-39, Cornell Northwestern 10. Texas (1-1) Df.Missouri,27-25 Idle

11. Columbia (0-1); 12. Pentagon (Army, Navy, Air Force, L.A. Raider special teams) (4-6); 13. Vanderbilt (0-3); 14. San Jose State (1-2); 15. Purdue (1-1); 16. (Tie) Cal State Disneyland (1-3) and Cal State Spruce Goose (1-1); 18. Oklahoma State (1-2); 19. Mississippi (1-1-1); 20. Akron (2-1).

ROUT OF THE WEEK: Utah (0-1) over Ohio State (1-2).

CRUMMY GAME OF THE WEEK: Idle.

BUT YOU’LL ALWAYS BE NO. 2, DAD: Michigan quarterback Jim Harbaugh, on Coach Bo Schembechler: “He is the best coach in America.” Harbaugh’s father, Jack, coaches Western Michigan University.

TIP OF THE WEEK: From F.C. Coonradt of Pasadena, who writes: “Why can’t you recognize real quality: Columbia?” He points out that Columbia trailed, 0-7, after six plays Saturday, en route to 22nd straight loss.

QUOTEBOOK: Asked about Purdue’s preconference schedule at a media briefing, Coach Leon Burtnett said: “I like to play weak teams that I know I can beat. I think it’s just a war to get through the Big Ten.” Purdue was then stomped by Pitt, 41-26.

THE PROS

Just 23 short of the NFL record for consecutive defeats (26), the Lost Raiders’ next challenge is to lose to No. 7 San Diego, which isn’t that easy.

Well, there’s one other challenge, too. This week, Raiders Todd Christensen, Dokie Williams and Vann McElroy begin taping a cable show, “The NFL Football Video Trivia Game.” The first question should be: When was the last time the Lost Raiders scored a touchdown? (For those of you too young to remember, it was on Sept. 7, 1986, against Denver.)

At this rate, the Raiders’ rap record (“Silver and Black Attack”) may become to the NFL what Dodger GM Al Campanis’ video, “The Dodger Way to Play Baseball,” is to the major leagues: A comedy classic.

The Rank:

Team, Record Last Loss Next Loss 1. Lost Raiders (0-3) 9-14, N.J. Giants San Diego 2. Philadelphia (0-3) 7-33, Denver Rams 3. Pitt (0-3) 7-31, Minnehaha Houston 4. Indianapolis (0-3) 7-24, Rams N.J. Jets 5. Miami (Ohio) (1-2) 45-51, N.J. Jets San Fr’isco

6. Green Bay (0-3); 7. San Diego (1-2); 8. St. Louis (0-3); 9. Cleveland (1-2); 10. L.A. Dodgers (who cares?).

OTHER BAYS RECEIVING VOTES: Tampa (1-2).

CRUMMY GAME OF THE WEEK: San Diego (1-2) at Raiders (0-3)

QUOTEBOOK: Hank Stram on Dolts quarterback Jack Trudeau: “He’s deceptive. He’s a little slower than you think he is.”