OK Santa, This Year, Be a Sport
OK, Santa, you old fraud, come in and have a whiskey sour. Enough with the ho-ho-hoing already. What do you have in the bag? Nothing anybody wants, I’ll guarantee. How would you like to have a real Christmas list? How would you like to put these under the tree this year?
--Give the Dodgers a bullpen.
--Give the Raiders a quarterback.
--Give boxing another Joe Louis.
--Give baseball another Pete Rose.
--Give tennis an American kid with manners.
--Give golf another Jack Nicklaus.
--Give Seoul a boycott-free Olympics.
--Give the Angels a break.
--Give Reggie Jackson one more fastball he can handle with a game or a pennant on the line.
--Give San Diego a defense.
--Give Mike Tyson a test.
--Give Rusty Hilger the football.
--Give Jim Everett experience.
--Give that Green Bay end who slammed Jim McMahon to the ground the gate.
--Give Jim McMahon a little humility.
--Give Doug Flutie a chance.
--Give Green Bay another Vince Lombardi.
--Give anyone another Vince Lombardi.
--Give Gene Mauch another chance to leave Mike Witt in one out from a pennant.
--Give Miami a secondary.
--Give the Giants another Willie Mays.
--Give the Raiders another Cliff Branch.
--Give the Trojans a coach as good as Howard Jones was.
--Give the Trojans a coach as good as Ted Tollner was.
--Give Ivan Lendl a smile.
--Give Boris Becker a backhand.
--Give the America’s Cup an American challenger in the final.
--Give Larry Bird the ball at the buzzer needing a basket.
--Give Magic Johnson an open man with the game on the line.
--Give Michael Jordan a team.
--Give Sugar Ray Leonard a diagram showing all the money a tin cup can hold.
--Give New England Patriot Coach Raymond Berry the credit he deserves.
--Give us another playoff and World Series like last year’s.
--Give Dwight Gooden a new crowd to hang out with.
--Give the Chicago Cubs a pennant. Let them get the Red Sox in the World Series.
--Give California racing another Swaps.
--Give Kareem Abdul-Jabbar another crack at the Celtics.
--Give the Lakers Ralph Sampson.
--Give Michael Cooper position on a guy with the clock running down and the Lakers ahead by two.
--Give the Clippers the last rites.
--Give college football another Bear Bryant.
--Give the designated hitter back to whoever thought it up.
--Give Marcel Dionne the puck in a Stanley Cup final and a corner of the net open.
--Give the baseball owners a straight face when they tell you they can’t use a Jack Morris, who has won 125 games in 7 years, when they paid and are paying millions to guys who can’t go four innings.
--Give Lee Trevino a 10-foot putt to win the Masters, he’ll take it from there.
--Give me one more look at an Elroy Hirsch or Tom Fears going out for a long one, or a film of Louis with his man in trouble and on the ropes, or Koufax one out away from a no-hitter.
--Give Nolie Ryan a World Series start.
--Give Eric Dickerson a Super Bowl and just a couple of trap blocks near midfield with the score tied.
--Give Marcus Allen same as above.
--Give every single sports fan on this day a seat on the 50, season ticket, a winning home team, straight putts, a handful of aces and blue chips all through the rest of his life. Merry Christmas to all and to all a good life.
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