FUZZY MAKES IT CLEAR : Zoeller Shoots 6-Under-Par 66, but Augusta Greens Cause Him to See Red

Fuzzy was bristling.

After walking off the 18th green with a six-under-par 66 in Friday’s second round of the Masters, Fuzzy Zoeller walked into the Augusta National press room and gave the golf course a clubbing, calling the greens “tricked up,” calling the conditions “a joke,” and saying the galleries have become so bored with the bad scores, it’s “like going into a morgue.”

He was fed up, and said so.

“And, if they don’t start listening to the players, one of these days the players aren’t gonna come,” Zoeller said.

Easy, breezy Fuzzy, 36, who won this tournament nine years ago, waited until he played a good round before stating his case, so it wouldn’t sound like sour grapes. Bothered by serious back problems, he has been winless on the tour since 1986.

“First of all, I’m just kind of glad I played well finally,” Zoeller began, once his seven-birdie round was in the books. “By God, it’s been a long time, a long dry spell for me. Basically, all I did was hit the ball on the green in certain areas where I had some very makeable putts. That’s about all I really want to say about the greens.”

The heck it was.

Turned out Zoeller was zealous about getting Augusta to do something about those greens, which were both difficult and hard. Too hard, he said.

“It’s kind of funny to me, because golf is supposed to be a fun, enjoyable type game. To me, you don’t hear the roars of Augusta like you always heard. We’re losing something here. Hopefully, one of these days somebody will wake up around here and get us some nice surfaces to putt on,” Zoeller said.

“I hate golf to be tricked up. To me, it’s a fun game, and when they put the tricks like they’ve done to the greens out here, it’s no fun at all. It’s like a war out there. I’m about as competitive as you’ll get, but I’m gonna tell you something. It’s no fun to play golf with the greens like they are, as hard as they are and as fast as they are. It’s just total war.

“I thought when we first came here, the greens had a perfect speed. You could make downhill putts. That’s when (Jack) Nicklaus was making all of his great charges. Downhill putts, they had a chance. Now, where they put the pins, you don’t have a chance. You’re just tapping it. You’re praying that guys can get it within 8 or 10 feet of the hole, and maybe make a nice comeback.

“If that’s golf, I’m in the wrong damn league.”

Like his putts, Zoeller was just getting rolling.

“When I hit good shots, I like to see myself be rewarded for them, and not see my ball bound over the green because of a lack of water, which I know that you don’t have around here,” he said, with no small amount of sarcasm.

Some putts run, and some break as much as a meter, Zoeller said. He slapped the table in front of him for emphasis, then pointed to the rug.

“It’s the difference between putting on that carpet and putting on this table. Try to hit your sand wedge on that carpet, and hit it up on this table and try to stop it. It’s kind of tough, and no fun.”

Why did they change the greens?

“You want my honest opinion?”

Go, Fuzz.

“I think Johnny Miller’s the one who screwed the whole thing up. OK? Johnny Miller shot a tremendous round of golf on a very difficult golf course (Oakmont) at the U.S. Open one year (1973), and we’re still paying for it. People’s egos seem to get in the way, and it’s taking away from the golf game. You know exactly which egos I mean.”

Egos that don’t want golfers eating up their course with good scores, he means.

“I’d like to hear those cheers at Augusta again. It’s not the same place. It’s like going into a morgue out there. Nobody’s screaming and hollering. You don’t hear that 15th (green) roar or that 13th roar. The only roar I heard today, by golly, was when Curtis Strange made a hole-in-one. That was the only roar worth a damn.”

Nicklaus and Tom Watson don’t seem to feel that way, someone suggested.

“I don’t care what Jack and Tom say. They’re not ones to complain, and that’s the reason certain things don’t get done around here. They just kind of take it, sit back and say, ‘Well, we’ve all gotta play it.’ Which is true. But somebody’s got to speak up, or it’s going to be a total joke for the guys 10 years down the road.

“If they don’t start listening to the players, one of these days the players aren’t gonna come. And I hate to say it, but we are the show.

“I’m glad I got to come in here and tell you how I feel. It’s time for somebody to write about it. Stand outside and listen. You don’t hear any roars. There used to be earth-shattering roars out there. I mean, the ground would shake. If I’m the one that’s gotta be the guinea pig to speak up and get this thing changed, well, so be it. I’ll be the guinea pig.

“I’m not mad. I’m . . . off.

“I’m upset with what they’re doing to the game of golf. Period.”