Some Questionable Things Are Going On in the Sporting World

The tough questions . . .

Can I have a show of hands of those who, like me, will be satisfied with whatever information is revealed in Bart Giamatti’s conclusion on the Pete Rose case, and who don’t particularly care if they ever see the 225-page secret report that Margo Adams’ ghostwriter was trying to peddle to the media?

Speaking of what’s-her-name, how come we haven’t heard much from her since her latest arrest on shoplifting charges?

Can we be sure the mysteriously-obtained Rose report wasn’t somehow shoplifted?

Is it true that if the Pete Rose report is edited to exclude testimony of convicted felons with axes to grind, the report will consist of a three-paragraph testimony from a waitress at a Denny’s coffee shop in Plant City who claims Rose flipped her, double or nothing, for the price of a glazed doughnut?

If Carl Lewis’ goal this track season is to go under 9.90 in the 100 and beyond 29-0 in the long jump, as he says it is, wouldn’t he have a lot better shot if he trimmed some of the altitude and sharp edges off his hair style? Can you imagine what Lewis would do wearing the Michael Jordan look?

If someone told you a National Basketball Assn. team actually botched a simple announcement about an alleged interview with a prospective coach, what team would you guess? I’d probably guess the Clippers, but that would be a cheap shot, wouldn’t it?

Could it be that Jim Valvano, even if he decided to interview for the Clipper coaching vacancy, would be the wrong man for this post, since his teams have low graduation rates, whereas the Clippers historically graduate a high percentage of their top players into winning NBA programs?

Was Robbie Ftorek trying to endear himself to Bruce McNall when Ftorek asked McNall to give up his rinkside “hot box” seats, claiming that the owner’s close proximity to the bench was a distraction?

What would you do if you had just realized your life’s dream by buying the local hockey team and the new coach exiled you back to the old owner’s box waaaaay up in the Great Western rafters?

Unless the Angels snap out of this rocket ride they’re on, how will we ever know whether or not Doug Rader’s miraculous personality transformation from jerk to prince is for real?

While Margo Adams’ ghostwriter is digging around for important manuscripts, can he fetch us a copy of Dexter Manley’s Oklahoma State academic transcripts?

The Redskins’ defensive end is 30 years old and says he has just learned to read and spell, so what does that say about Oklahoma State as a grove of academia? Has this particular grove been napalmed? Or does Manley’s confession demonstrate that at OSU, compassion rules, that the school is willing to cut some slack for scholastic late bloomers?

Stanley Wilson was banned for life from playing in the NFL, because of his drug involvement, but wouldn’t a 20-year ban have been sufficient?

Have the Raiders moved yet? When they do, will they tell us?

Has anyone else in history ever beat a legal rap by using bad airline fettuccine Alfredo as an alibi, or has Lawrence Taylor broken new ground? Since the New Jersey jury bought Taylor’s story that he was not intoxicated, but ill, when he was arrested for drunk driving, does that mean that Taylor will be ordered to attend meetings of AA--Alfredoholics Anonymous?

Can’t a certain downtown luncheon group of professionals and businessmen find anything better to do with their noon hour than come up with an NBA all-lefty team?

Is it true they elected a frontcourt of Dave Cowens, Willis Reed and Bill Russell, with guards Nate (Tiny) Archibald and Gail (Stumpy) Goodrich? Don’t they realize that the center should be Wilt Chamberlain, since with his right hand tied behind his back, Wilt could outplay Bill Russell?

When Sen. J. Bennett Johnston (D-La.) says he will introduce legislation to prevent college football and basketball players from leaving school before their class graduates, does it mean the senator has been eating too much airline Italian food?

Do you think there’s any chance the senator has football or basketball season tickets at Louisiana State and shows up at games wearing the school colors? Do you think he’s ever heard of the Constitution? Who votes these yo-yos into office, anyway?

Since Terry Catledge of the Washington Bullets was arrested for drunk driving and speeding, going 94 m.p.h. in a small town in Tennessee, will somebody arrange an auto race between Catledge and Jose Canseco, so we can find out once and for all if Canseco is faster than a speeding Bullet?