Now, Paying Public Should Say <i> ‘No Mas’</i>

It wasn’t much of a fight. Correction: It wasn’t any part of a fight.

It was as one-sided as a deer hunt. It was fought at longer range than the Battle of Jutland. The sinking of the Bismarck.

Roberto Duran blew it. He should have walked out of the ring along about the seventh round and said something clever like “No mas.” No one would then know how far gone he was, how pathetically inept. Then, in five or six years, he could get a rematch for $7 or 8 million.

People would have had sympathy for him. This way, they may be chasing him with a rope.

Never in the course of human events have so many paid so much for so little. The paying public should say “No mas.”

Instead of walking out, Roberto just stood in there and got an old-fashioned butt-kicking. It would be a mistake to say Roberto fought Sugar Ray Leonard. How do you fight somebody you can’t find? Roberto had the wrong implements. He should have come in the ring with a flashlight and a dog.

People for years have been wondering why Roberto quit in the second fight. It is now clear. He thought Sugar Ray hadn’t shown up.

For the benefit of Roberto Duran, Sugar Ray Leonard is this kind of cute young fellow who has these big brown eyes and wears black trunks. He’s kind of hyperactive. He doesn’t stay in one place very long.

If you see him, tell Roberto. Roberto Duran kept aiming punches at places Sugar Ray had been earlier in the evening. You had a picture of Roberto hauling a photo out of his pocket and showing it around and asking: “Anybody here seen this fellow--kind of a cute guy, winks a lot? I was supposed to meet him here.”

Roberto should have put stamps on his punches. They would have gotten there faster. In fact, fourth-class mail would have. Roberto must have thought the referee was beating the hell out of him all night. You get the feeling if he sees Ray in the lobby of the Mirage this morning he’ll say: “Ray! What happened to you last night? I thought we had a date!”

Roberto hasn’t hit him yet. He got $7.6 million for shadow boxing. He’d have a better chance landing a punch on his shadow. He’d have a better chance landing a punch on Amelia Earhart.

Sugar Ray was not exactly Rocky. Still, he threw a shutout. In fact, he threw a no-hitter. Koufax never befuddled a hitter more than Ray did Duran.

Ray couldn’t hurt Duran and Duran couldn’t find Leonard. Roberto had hands of stone, all right. He threw a punch like a guy throwing a load of bricks.

The bout was less of a fight than an embarrassment. A practical joke. It wasn’t news, it was nostalgia.

The crowd wised up along about the ninth round. They began to shout “Bullsmoke!” at the combatants. They saved their worst boos for Sugar Ray Leonard. They got as irritated at him as Duran because he kept disappearing all the time. But, you couldn’t blame Sugar Ray. He probably kept expecting Roberto to leave the ring in a snit at any moment. Why open fire on an enemy that is going to leave the field at any moment?

It was mostly like watching a guy pull the wings off a butterfly. Sugar Ray, a mean little cuss, taunted, tormented and jeered at his opponent all night. He tapped him derisively at the end of every round.

Roberto should have been hanging off a chain. The heavy bag is a bigger threat to Sugar Ray.

Leonard derived a measure of revenge on Roberto for clouding his victory in New Orleans nine years ago--although Sugar Ray is the only guy in the known world who sees that as an insult to him. Most people thought Roberto humiliated himself.

He didn’t do much to redeem himself Thursday night. Sugar Ray got an eye cut in the 11th round, at first thought from a head butt. If so, they should make a bronze of the head. It’s the only thing Roberto has hit Leonard with in nine years and 20 rounds.

Some think Sugar Ray should retire. Why? If you can get $15 million for fighting a guy who spends the whole night trying to find out where you went--or who walks out of the ring when his ears begin to ring--well, you might just as well take the money and run. How can you get rich any easier than that? Next time, he should fight him by phone.

If you get the idea it wasn’t Dempsey-Tunney, you’re right. It wasn’t even Hearns-Hagler. They probably have better fights in a monastery. Closer ones, anyway. Roberto wasn’t an opponent, he was a target. Calling this a fight was like calling the bombing of Rotterdam a battle, a pistol-whipping an argument. Roberto should retire. Come to think of it, he already has.