Let Them Administrate as Tackling Dummies : THE COLLEGES

Attempting to turn around the school’s football fortunes, Cal State Long Beach hired Coach George Allen--and then threw him to Clemson in the opener so the 49ers would have a big payday. For that kind of morale-busting wizardry, the school’s administration--not the team--took over the No. 1 spot in the Bottom Ten.

The poor 49ers, an underdog by upward of 50 points, had more yards rushing before the kickoff (zero) than they did at the final gun (minus 16). And, next year, the school will send the team against Miami (Fla.). The 49ers’ athletic director should have to return the team’s kickoffs.

Elsewhere, UCLA, the preseason favorite, fell to No. 2 after a promising week of practice (no additional quarterbacks quit the team). However, billboards advertising the school’s 1990 season have started popping up around town, one depicting a rhinoceros, another some buffalo. Could it be that last season was so bad that UCLA has secretly shed its nickname?

RANKINGS

Team,’89 Record Last Loss Next Loss 1.Admin. 0-59, Clemson Utah St 2.UCLA (0-0) Idle Okla 3.Syracuse (0-1) 16-34, USC Temple 4.LSU (0-0) Idle Ga 5.Michigan (0-1)* Idle Idle 6.Colorado (0-1-1)* Idle Idle 7.Ore.St. (0-1) 15-22, Montana Idle 8.Texas (0-0) Idle Penn St 9. Corso** (ESPN) Viewers More viewers 10. Brando** (ESPN) Viewers More viewers

11. Stanford (0-0); 12. Alabama (0-1)*; 13. Duke (0-1); 14. Idle; 15. Arkansas (0-1)*; 16. Ohio State (0-1)*; 17. Virginia Tech (0-1) 18. NCAA (ruled an Arizona defensive back ineligible because he posed in Playgirl magazine); 19. Idle; 20. All those people saying nasty things about Lou Holtz and Notre Dame’s pristine football program.

*Includes New Year’s Day bowl loss.

*ESPN’s chatterbox hosts on its college scoreboard show.

ROUT OF THE WEEK: Oklahoma over UCLA.

BEATING THE COACH’S SPREAD: “I live in fear of getting beat 75-0 in the first game. It could very easily happen,” Jim Hess, the rookie New Mexico State coach, said last week. Actually, State lost by only 29-12 to New Mexico.

THE COLLEGES (1940-90)

Celebrating its 50th year of occasionally correct forecasts, Street & Smith has included a 1940-1990 highlights section in this year’s college football guide. As a companion edition, the Bottom Ten hereby offers a special 1940-1990 set of its rankings.

Determining the worst team of the half century was a monumental task, but a black-ribbon panel decided to go for lack of defense over lack of offense. They chose the unforgettable 1973 team at the University of Texas at El Batted Down Paso, which gave up 49.5 points a game, including 82 to Utah. UTEP narrowly edged out Alabama’s 1955 squad, which was shut out four times, once by Rice.

A particularly popular victim was Kansas State’s 1987 edition, which was picked as the homecoming opponent by four consecutive rivals, prompting Coach Stan Parrish to say: “We’ve seen more queens this year than the Miss America pageant.”

Regrettably, some teams that showed real flashes of ineptness didn’t make the rankings, including TCU’s 1977 “Twelfth-Man Team” (2-9), which had a player leap off the bench to make a tackle; the 1978 Oregon State team (3-7-1), which featured an out-of-shape defensive lineman who threw up on a Minnesota quarterback; and the 1979 Colorado team (3-8), which inspired the cheer, “Two-four-six-eight, please score before we grad-u-ate.”

RANKINGS

Team, Year Record 1. UTEP (1973) 0-11 2. Alabama (1955) 0-10 3. Kansas State (1987) 0-10-1 4. Columbia (1986) 0-10 5. Northwestern (1977) 1-10 6. BYU (1949) 0-11 7. Rice (1982) 0-11 8. College All-Stars (1965-76) 0-12* 9. Colorado State (1981) 0-12** 10. USC (1957)*** 1-9

*Lost last 12 times against defending NFL champion before the annual exhibition was discontinued.

**NCAA record for most losses in a season.

***Shut out by Oregon State and Cal.

Honorable Mention: Florida (0-10-1, 1979); UCLA (1-9, 1940); Notre Dame (2-8, 1956).

Rout of Half Century: Wyoming 103, Northern Colorado 0 (1949).

Crummy Game of Half Century: Oregon 0, Oregon State 0 (1983).