THE NBA / MARK HEISLER : Pistons and Bulls Carrying Old Grudges in New Season

Memo to David Stern: This Bull-Piston thing is out of hand. It’s time to sit Michael Jordan and Isiah Thomas down and make them shake hands.

The rivalry flared anew last week, embarrassing all concerned again. Detroit’s Bill Laimbeer, the Rowdy Roddy Piper of NBA centers, bumped Chicago’s Horace Grant on a drive, then tripped him, starting the traditional melee.

Scottie Pippen and the placid Joe Dumars had to be separated. Pippen and Thomas had words.

Pippen had more words later, declaring: “If Isiah plays in the Olympics, I won’t. I don’t want to be involved with him. Me and him don’t see eye to eye. I don’t like him. He’s too phony, too fake. . . . He’s always been a cheap-shot artist.”

Pardon me, but as a matter of national policy does anyone care whom Pippen wants to play with?

Said Thomas: “A comment is only that I wish those guys (the Olympians) a lot of luck, and I hope they bring back the gold medal. That’s all I’ve said about it, and that’s all I’m going to say about it.”

What, him fake?

OLIVE BRANCH

Thomas almost apologized for the Pistons’ graceless early exit from last spring’s Bull playoff victory.

Jordan almost accepted.

“Was it the right thing to do?” Thomas asked. “No. Was it unsportsmanlike? Yes. Can we say we didn’t mean it? No, because that’s how we felt at the time. That would be a lie.”

Quoth Jordan: “Those are funny emotions. I guess that’s what happens when you lose, if that’s the type of person you are.”

OK, LET’S FEUD

Grant said the teams were “the Hatfields and the Catfields.”

How was that again?

“Oh,” Grant said. “I meant the Hatfields and McCormicks.”

PISTON VS. PISTON

It’s no wonder the Pistons are so grumpy.

It’s easier than looking in the mirror.

The greatest team of the last five seasons--according to historian I. Thomas--they can surely sense the sun setting on their empire.

Without James Edwards, they have no low-post game.

They sacrificed Vinnie Johnson for Orlando Woolridge, who needed one game to lose his starting job.

They drew 12 technical fouls in six games. Opponents are holding them and officials are picking on them, according to Dennis Rodman.

The Pistons find themselves dependent on the moods of Mark Aguirre, their one consistent scorer taller than 6 feet 2.

It had to happen: In last week’s loss at Miami, there were heated words between Aguirre and lifelong buddy Thomas.

Aguirre then played four minutes in the second half, pleading a bad ankle.

Said Aguirre, ever mystified: “I wish I knew what was going on.”

HERE COMES THE WRECKING BALL

After resisting for several seasons, the Dallas Mavericks are ready to break up their old team.

Dallas, with one of the league’s slackest marketing programs, still boasts almost 14,000 season ticket-holders and seemed loath to interrupt a healthy cash flow until Roy Tarpley’s latest exit.

Since, they have told Rodney McCray and Herb Williams, who were promised extensions, that all bets are off.

Said General Manager Norm Sonju: “We don’t want to do anything that will make it harder on us or another team cap-wise, if we make a move.”

Place your bids now for Derek Harper and Rolando Blackman.

RILEY WATCH

Even some of Pat Riley’s friends are concerned at how fast his honeymoon with the New York media ended.

Not only won’t Riley talk before games, he has suggested that his players shouldn’t either. By NBA rule, locker rooms stay open until 45 minutes before games, and the graciousness of its stars has been important in the league’s growth. In style, Riley belongs more to the NFL than the NBA.

After the Knicks’ 0-2 start, Riley said: “No one should expect this team to win 60 games--or else all the writers are hypocritical, the way they lambasted this team last year.”

Conclusions:

(a) Nobody expects this team to win 60 games.

(b) Any optimistic predictions--for example, the forecast here that Riley would be coach of the year--were predicated on Riley’s presence in New York and were compliments to him.

Wrote Newsday’s Jan Hubbard: “This is a game, Pat. It should be fun. So relax and enjoy it.”

NAMES AND NUMBERS

Sacramento’s fast-talking general manager, Jerry Reynolds, invited fellow Hoosier Larry Bird home for dinner on the Celtics’ visit. Said Reynolds: “It’s tough. Neither of us can go to restaurants here, but for different reasons.” . . . Milwaukee Coach Del Harris, marveling at slenderized Moses Malone: “Of course, he and I go back to when he weighed 217 pounds. He must be 260 now. It’s not like he’s gone anorexic.” . . . More bad news in the Motor City: Officials at Detroit-area sporting goods stores told the Detroit News that Bull and Michael Jordan merchandise is outselling Piston gear. . . . Short leash: New Jersey Coach Bill Fitch is burning that Net owner Joe Taub cut Jud Buechler and Dave Feitl to make room for Kenny Anderson--without consulting Fitch. Last spring, Taub talked Fitch, who wanted to take Billy Owens, into drafting Anderson.

Sherman’s March: There’s a good reason the Heat is offering Sherman Douglas around. Rookie Steve Smith is a better playmaker and already preferred by Miami players. Said Glen Rice: “Steve sees the floor much better than Sherman does.” Said Douglas’ former Syracuse teammate, Rony Seikaly: “It looks like so much more fun playing with Steve because you know he’s going to look for you at any moment.” . . . Douglas, a restricted free agent, turned down $2.3 million before camp opened. The Heat has cut the offer. . . . Only you, Mad Max: Said the Rockets’ Vern Maxwell, after getting a pay raise to $1.6 million: “They’ll get a lot more hustle out of me than if I were making $270,000.”

Welcome to the NBA: New Orlando owner Dick DeVos, the Amway magnate, joined the Magic’s huddle in Chicago. Comment: Where do they find these guys? . . . Look for rookie Mark Macon to replace Chris Jackson at point guard for the Nuggets. Coach Paul Westhead has never been high on Jackson, third pick in the ’90 draft, as a playmaker. As a scorer, Jackson isn’t burning anything up, shooting below 40%. . . . Poison pill: Nugget management signed a long-term lease to stay in Denver’s McNichols Arena. Now any would-be buyer would have to pay $25 million to move the team.

Weekly Charles Barkley item: He has changed his number from 34 to 32 to honor Magic Johnson. Barkley got the blessings of Billy Cunningham, whose 76er No. 32 had been retired, but the usual storm of protest arose in Philadelphia. Said Barkley: “This isn’t about anything but me and Earvin. It’s about a friend. I don’t give a . . . what people think. People are stupid.”

Bird, shaken by Johnson’s retirement, compared it to the death of his father. Said Bird: “He’s been an enemy. He’s been a friend. Every time I see him, it seems like I’m happier. . . . I hope we keep seeing him smiling, but when this dies down, he’s going to be alone with his wife, and they’re going to have to go through some tough times. It just doesn’t seem fair. It just doesn’t seem right.” . . . In a salute to Johnson in Boston Garden, the crowd stood and applauded for 1 minute 40 seconds, until the public address announcer cut back in.