Hello. Welcome to our living room. Pull...

Hello. Welcome to our living room. Pull up a chair, let’s get cozy. We must confess, we’re a bit surprised by the turnout.

Would anyone like to hear a couple of chapters from “The Life of Alistair Cooke”? We simply revere him for his ability to look so, well, snug while sitting in a wingback chair.

After breaking for refreshments, we’ll resume by opening the floor for a discussion titled “Emily Dickinson: Watching the Grass Grow.” And then we have some wonderful recipes that we’d love to share, all involving the secrets of cooking with milk.

What’s that?

Oh, dear. There seems to have been some error here.

Those of you expecting “Rappin’ With the Homeboy,” please accept our apologies. A small error at the printer’s, it seems.

For the record, this is “Rappin’ With the Homebody. “

That’s us.

Haven’t stepped foot outside these doors in 12 years.

Now, some of you might wish to leave, but before you do, let us say that we have a rip-roaring time in store . . .

Good Lord, where did everyone go so fast?

Well. How many left? Let’s have a head count.

One.

We warn you, though, we plan on being rash tonight.

Might go so far as to have two pieces of marzipan cake. And a dash of cinnamon in our hot chocolate.

Still, we have to admire those brave souls who left. They didn’t even seem to give a second thought to crossing that threshold into the great unknown.

Oh, we couldn’t. No, really.

Very well. Let’s imagine where we’d go.

Music. The magic word.

Yes, we could easily hear “Huayno Music of Peru” at 3 p.m. today at Westwood United Methodist Church. Then head over to Holman United Methodist Church to catch the Holman Choir perform in the 33rd annual Concert of Negro Spirituals at 6 p.m. (See listings under Music.)

Anything, anything at all.

UCLA’s international conference on “Learning from Latin America: Women’s Struggles for Livelihood,” being held Thursday through Saturday in Room 314, Royce Hall. For fees, events and information, call (310) 206-8788.

We’re beginning to like this game.

Please, it’s our turn to drive, and since we’re behind the wheel let’s attend the opening reception for “Something Tells Me We’re Not in Kansas Anymore-Weegee & Mickey Pallas,” an exhibit of contemporary photography at 20th Century Photographs, 7466 Beverly Blvd., Los Angeles, from 3 to 6 p.m. Saturday. Admission is free. Call (213) 937-5525.

Wonderful stuff. Almost makes us really want to leave here.

But after all, the fire could use some more wood.

And your tea needs refreshing.